It's amazing to me how much getting something out of your system makes you feel better. After writing my last blog, I showed up for work with a whole new attitude. Things have been so much better since. So, here's my happy list. I know it's kind of cheating to do a list and not a whole blog about how much more confident I feel, but I'm working today and won't have much time. I miss hearing from alot of you. Hope all is going well.
1. Getting to pick the music in the training room today, since I'm the only one in. Even if it is James Taylor because I'm sleepy and I was in at 7:45.
2. Picking out my pumpkin after work today
3. Our football team FINALLY winning a game, after 2 weeks of crap games. We are now a whopping 2 and 5! :)
4. Knowing our (cute) boys' soccer volunteer assistant feels the same way about his team as I do.
5. Having a great night out with the coaches last Friday night. (oh yeah, and feeling like I have a life.)
6. Skipping last night so they might think I have a life outside of here. (but I don't...such a dork! :) )
7. Quesadilla night with the girls tonight.
8. Becoming the P.R. committee head for Athletic Training in New Jersey
9. Did I mention my pumpkin yet? :)
10. The leaves are starting to change, which means I begin hibernating. It's a good thing I have a job where I can sleep late! :)
Saturday, October 23, 2004
Monday, October 11, 2004
Hey Everyone!
Well, it's official...I'm the Angel of Injury. Which is pretty funny, because I feel like the Angel of Insecurity. Since Wednesday my boss and I have seen: a broken ankle (Wednesday) on our Starting running back (and he started at something on defense too), a torn ACL on our starting quarterback/defensive back(Thursday), a broken shin on a freshman from a visiting school (took 6 pins to fix it because he thought he just had a cramp and tried to walk off the field-Friday afternoon), a possible broken shin on our starting o/d lineman (turned out to be a high ankle sprain-Friday night), and today a possible broken forearm on a JV player from a visiting school.
The worst part is, I have become extremely tentative. I was starting to get my confidence back on Friday when I looked at our quarterback. My ACL showed a stop at the point where a torn ligament wouldn't, so even though all signs pointed to that, I was fairly confident his ligaments were there and reassured him the ligaments looked o.k. Coach too. However, I iced him and brought him inside, just to be safe. Bill (my boss) was in here and I had him look. He got a stop too, but not a great one. He was fairly certain the ligament was gone or about to be, so we arranged for him to see our Doc the next morning, who confirmed Bill's assessment. I haven't been able to get over it.
My only reassurance is that I have done everything right in the safety of the athletes, even if our coaches think I'm not to be trusted alone with their players. (Not that they do, I guess I just feel like they do.) I dealt just fine with the broken shin at our freshman game...it was pretty easy with no tests needed...it was a no-brianer and the ambulance had already been called when I arrived. Just the sacrifice of my knees while I knelt next to the kid for 45 minutes while we awaited the ambulance. Didn't look at all at the high ankle sprain Friday night. And did everything right by the possible broken forearm today. Everything except ask for a second opinion in front of our Freshman coaches (well, I pulled Bill aside and we walked over to the kid on the other teams sideline).
Bill keeps reassuring me that I've done everything well and some of these thing will just take me time in "getting back in the swing of it". I'm sure he thinks for someone who's been out of the training profession as long as I have, that I'm doing pretty well for my first month. I'm just disappointed in myself. I swear I was better as a Senior in college (8 school years ago) than I am now. I know I was sharper then. I also have to keep reminding myself that I had many years of training, classes and hands-on then all fresh in my mind; Now I'm dusting off memory stores that haven't been used in 3 or 4 years. Of course a "mushy" stop on an ACL is gonna be the same as a "stop". And of course, every once in awhile I'm gonna need reassurance that "weird" pop when someone makes a fistis not "normal" and should get an x-ray. I just wish I could thoroughly convince the part of me that is hard on myself; the part that wants the trust of the coaches and athletes, when I don't have it completely in myself.
I think the test on John really rattled me. I was feeling a little put off already because most of my on-field evaluations, Bill would show up and take it over, even if I had been on the same track he was...or trying to move the athlete as quickly as possible. I wanted a little show of confidence in me, and also, to not send a message to the coaches that the "important" injuries were ones I couldn't handle; that my own boss, someone they trust, had full confidence in me. (I've also been having the problem that whenever I assert myself and tell someone to do something in treatments (like get an ice bag and go there), Bill yells at them, or tells them not to do it. Not intentionally to contridict me, I realize, but sometimes I just wish my word could stand...as long as it's not a blatant show of rule-breaking or something I could get fired for doing or saying. And then John got hurt. I had the spotlight all to myself...and fell flat on my face. It has been haunting me since Thursday. While part of me wants to dust off and work harder to show everyone (coaches, but I feel like I need to work twice as hard to gain Bill's trust, as well. He leaves me alone and lets me do things on my own, so he must trust me some, but I wonder if deep down he's going...what the hell happened to this girl?!?!?) I am not complete fluff, the other part of me doesn't have the confidence that I can do it and not just continue to fall on my face, thereby making things look worse.
Needless to say, my body is taking the brunt of my emotions. Especially today, when I stood for 3 1/2 hours in a hot, crowded gymnasium of 2500 people to hear our Vice President speak, getting up at 5am and am now, just about to head home. I've been thinking some mac and cheese might just do the trick. For today. Now I gotta try and gear up for tomorrow...and hope the confidence and the knowledge comes from somewhere soon!
Well, it's official...I'm the Angel of Injury. Which is pretty funny, because I feel like the Angel of Insecurity. Since Wednesday my boss and I have seen: a broken ankle (Wednesday) on our Starting running back (and he started at something on defense too), a torn ACL on our starting quarterback/defensive back(Thursday), a broken shin on a freshman from a visiting school (took 6 pins to fix it because he thought he just had a cramp and tried to walk off the field-Friday afternoon), a possible broken shin on our starting o/d lineman (turned out to be a high ankle sprain-Friday night), and today a possible broken forearm on a JV player from a visiting school.
The worst part is, I have become extremely tentative. I was starting to get my confidence back on Friday when I looked at our quarterback. My ACL showed a stop at the point where a torn ligament wouldn't, so even though all signs pointed to that, I was fairly confident his ligaments were there and reassured him the ligaments looked o.k. Coach too. However, I iced him and brought him inside, just to be safe. Bill (my boss) was in here and I had him look. He got a stop too, but not a great one. He was fairly certain the ligament was gone or about to be, so we arranged for him to see our Doc the next morning, who confirmed Bill's assessment. I haven't been able to get over it.
My only reassurance is that I have done everything right in the safety of the athletes, even if our coaches think I'm not to be trusted alone with their players. (Not that they do, I guess I just feel like they do.) I dealt just fine with the broken shin at our freshman game...it was pretty easy with no tests needed...it was a no-brianer and the ambulance had already been called when I arrived. Just the sacrifice of my knees while I knelt next to the kid for 45 minutes while we awaited the ambulance. Didn't look at all at the high ankle sprain Friday night. And did everything right by the possible broken forearm today. Everything except ask for a second opinion in front of our Freshman coaches (well, I pulled Bill aside and we walked over to the kid on the other teams sideline).
Bill keeps reassuring me that I've done everything well and some of these thing will just take me time in "getting back in the swing of it". I'm sure he thinks for someone who's been out of the training profession as long as I have, that I'm doing pretty well for my first month. I'm just disappointed in myself. I swear I was better as a Senior in college (8 school years ago) than I am now. I know I was sharper then. I also have to keep reminding myself that I had many years of training, classes and hands-on then all fresh in my mind; Now I'm dusting off memory stores that haven't been used in 3 or 4 years. Of course a "mushy" stop on an ACL is gonna be the same as a "stop". And of course, every once in awhile I'm gonna need reassurance that "weird" pop when someone makes a fistis not "normal" and should get an x-ray. I just wish I could thoroughly convince the part of me that is hard on myself; the part that wants the trust of the coaches and athletes, when I don't have it completely in myself.
I think the test on John really rattled me. I was feeling a little put off already because most of my on-field evaluations, Bill would show up and take it over, even if I had been on the same track he was...or trying to move the athlete as quickly as possible. I wanted a little show of confidence in me, and also, to not send a message to the coaches that the "important" injuries were ones I couldn't handle; that my own boss, someone they trust, had full confidence in me. (I've also been having the problem that whenever I assert myself and tell someone to do something in treatments (like get an ice bag and go there), Bill yells at them, or tells them not to do it. Not intentionally to contridict me, I realize, but sometimes I just wish my word could stand...as long as it's not a blatant show of rule-breaking or something I could get fired for doing or saying. And then John got hurt. I had the spotlight all to myself...and fell flat on my face. It has been haunting me since Thursday. While part of me wants to dust off and work harder to show everyone (coaches, but I feel like I need to work twice as hard to gain Bill's trust, as well. He leaves me alone and lets me do things on my own, so he must trust me some, but I wonder if deep down he's going...what the hell happened to this girl?!?!?) I am not complete fluff, the other part of me doesn't have the confidence that I can do it and not just continue to fall on my face, thereby making things look worse.
Needless to say, my body is taking the brunt of my emotions. Especially today, when I stood for 3 1/2 hours in a hot, crowded gymnasium of 2500 people to hear our Vice President speak, getting up at 5am and am now, just about to head home. I've been thinking some mac and cheese might just do the trick. For today. Now I gotta try and gear up for tomorrow...and hope the confidence and the knowledge comes from somewhere soon!
Saturday, October 02, 2004
Things I learned in the last 24 hours:
- Being able to stick your fingers is your eyes is underrated (take it from someone who tried for over an hour and can't do it!).
- Sometimes when you "start game over from beginning", you can screw it up worse than you did the first time.
- A chance to be yourself with co-workers is only a great opportunity if you take it.
- Sometimes meeting new friends makes you long for the old ones.
- My bed time is definately 10:30 (at least if I don't want to be easily annoyed all the next day).
- Friendly's Peanut Butter sauce is fantastic!
- (So is salad sometimes!)
- Hearing "you're leaving?" from a co-worker you hardly know that makes you wish you were staying.
- The failures in life give us a great opportunity to improve.
- (Um they also give us a chance to say, screw it I've got to find another way!)
- Cute, laughing babies are incredible mood lifters
- Afl-eck, who-fleck, what-fleck? ;)
- Some days, you've just gotta speak the lyrics to a cheesy song on your friends voice mail.
- The past is so much better now that you're not living it.
- Getting CD exchange CD's done is relieving...procrastinating the mass production, priceless! :)
- Football season in nice crisp football season weather is unbeatable...
- ...as is having a convertible on a 75 degree sunny day
- My grandmother is the cutest old person ever!
- There's something comforting about knowing the other half of you bed is occupied. (Bad when that inhabitant decided laying on your pillow and pulling your hair so you'll feed him is a better way to spend 3am! :) )
- The city that never sleeps is lonely when you have no life there and the people you know there do.
- Finally getting the time and energy to write on this blog, as I've been wanting to do for days now!
Hope you all are well. I'm sure I'll hear from some of you about some of these! :) Happy Weekend! :)
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