I always forget how pretty the snow is when it blankets the earth.

Last night, the hoopla began. It actually began last Thursday after a 4 or 5 inch snow storm. The Worst Storm Of The Year...Next Week! Stay Tunned for Details. Well, after a fun weekend in New York, I could've used a good snowstorm. (P.S. Yes, I saw The Gates. Yes, they were every bit as stupid as the idea seemed and as they looked on t.v.) Plus, my Monday schedule was a fabulous out-of-the-house-at-6am-for-a-conference-home-at-10pm-after -our-Girls'-Basketball-State-Playoff-game day of fun. :) The snow seemed better and better. The snow wasn't falling when I left the house, but the one hour NJ Turnpike excursion to the conference made me dred the drive home. School had been put on a short schedule and our basketball game cancelled. I still opted to leave the conference early as planned.

While the snow had helped me gain some nap time and cut my hectic day in half, I was still hating it. Snow, Snow, Snow...Cold, Cold, Cold. Wasn't spring ever coming?!?!?! How much more of this crap was one person expected to take?!?!?!?! I wanted warmth, tank tops, flip flops, heat, sunshine. At this point, I'd even take a light fall warm spell or a brisk day where I needed a jacket, as long as the sun was shining.

The Turnpike was grey and wet as I left the Ramada in East Windsor. The snow was falling. Little tiny flakes. Grey sky, the leftover accumulation from Thursday's storm all swept to the side as a giant ball of ice, NJ Transit Trucks with plows attached all poised at their service on ramps waiting for some of the nasty weather to stick to the asphalt springing them into action and cars just speeding through the slushy, sloppy mess.

Then came the glowing light of Exit 4. I was so close to home. The snowflakes were bigger now and the snow was falling faster, as if it were falling with the urgency racing toward me as I sped toward my house. Then the phone rang..."Could you just pick up a few things at the store?" I navigated Route 73 and turned off at the shopping center. We may never know (even though the lines told me I was right - it was truly a spot. My lucky day.), but I may have created my own parking spot right near the front door. As I emerged from my giant, "Jenn, take the truck so you'll be safe in the snow" vehicle I looked up and realized how soft and serene the atmosphere had gotten.

An hour or so later, the giant vehicle, lots of bad for you, shopping while you're hungry food and I headed home. As I turned off Route 73, I noticed the beautiful way the snow clung to the trees. The usually ugly, dead winter blob that in the summer is dressed in beautiful grennery, had every little branch illuminated in white snow. Even the tiniest branch was visable to the naked eye of the passerby. The old icy carcass of snowfalls left behind were suddenly massive heaps of pristine white goodness. The purity of angels blanketed the earth as I pulled into our driveway. The intrusion of my footsteps seemed almost sinful as I emerged from the vehicle and into my home.

Tomorrow, the pristine snow will be covered in sand and salt. Pushed aside in piles, like so many others this year. Life will go on and I will be attending a Girls' Basketball State Game at a neighboring school 30-minutes away. Sometimes though, the seasons in our life which bring despair and hopelessness in thinking it will never pass, glimmer pristine with calm, beauty and hope.

Because Of KARE.....

bold the states you've been to, color the states you've lived in and italicize the state you're in now...

Alabama / Alaska / Arizona / Arkansas / California / Colorado / Connecticut / Delaware / Florida/ Georgia/ Hawaii / Idaho / Illinois / Indiana / Iowa / Kansas / Kentucky / Louisiana/ Maine / Maryland / Massachusetts/ Michigan/ Minnesota / Mississippi / Missouri / Montana / Nebraska / Nevada / New Hampshire/New Jersey/ New Mexico / New York/ North Carolina/ North Dakota / Ohio/Oklahoma/ Oregon/ Pennsylvania/Rhode Island /South Carolina/ South Dakota /Tennessee / Texas/ Utah / Vermont/ Virginia/Washington /West Virginia / Wisconsin / Wyoming /Washington D.C

(Not that this is my idea of a vacation, mind you....but it was Jill's Birthday wish, so the girls and I are complying. Happy Weekend!)

Some folks like to get away
Take a holiday from the neighborhood
Hop a flight to Miami Beach
Or to Hollywood
But I'm taking a Greyhound
On the Hudson River Line
I'm in a New York state of mind

I've seen all the movie stars
In their fancy cars and their limousines
Been high in the Rockies under the evergreens
But I know what I'm needing
And I don't want to waste more time
I'm in a New York state of mind

It was so easy living day by day
Out of touch with the rhythm and blues
But now I need a little give and take
The New York Times, The Daily News

It comes down to reality
And it's fine with me 'cause I've let it slide
Don't care if it's Chinatown or on Riverside
I don't have any reasons
I've left them all behind
I'm in a New York state of mind

It was so easy living day by day
Out of touch with the rhythm and blues
But now I need a little give and take
The New York Times, The Daily News

It comes down to reality
And it's fine with me 'cause I've let it slide
Don't care if it's Chinatown or on Riverside
I don't have any reasons
I've left them all behind
I'm in a New York state of mind

I'm just taking a Greyhound on the Hudson River Line
'Cause I'm in a New York state of mind

I've recovered from the Super Bowl enough to write again. :)

I have no willpower. Alot of you may be saying "Really, Jenn? We've known that for years." Well, it's news to me (this article is feeling very deja vu...have I written this before?). Every year I try and give something up for Lent. Not for any religious reason and certainly not because I'm Catholic. I give up something every year, just to know I could give something up if I really wanted to. I used to be pretty good at it. It was hard, but I made it through. The last couple times I tried to eliminate, add or change anything, I've failed. Some hedonistic thought creeps into my little brain - "Why should I do that? There are people who like that/can't eat that I'm sure would hit me upside the head for restraining." Plus, somewhere I think I've done without in my life in certain areas, why should I purposely do without in others?

This year it's food. For Lent, I gave up chocolate. A few days after Ash Wednesday, I found out I was going to have to give up White Flour and Sugar to try and relieve some health problems I'd been having. I agreed to give it up for a month as a test. I started yesterday. I made it until dinner. I then began rationalizing that maybe I should give up one thing at a time - fruit, dairy, then breads and pasta, etc. Now I'm thinking it's all crap. It's been just over 24 hours and already I have less willpower than a 2 year old child.

Did you guys know Goldfish are made with Wheat flour? Did you also know my diet is primarily crap? ("No, Jenn, really? Mac and Cheese is not touted as the end all be all of nutritious diets?" -sarc-) Did you also know that, while I love Whole Foods, I hate the people that shop there? (Same way I feel about Wal-Mart.) Did ya know I like the Blue Collar Comedy Tour (and the Part 2 that was on the other night). It's not food related, but I thought I'd throw that in there! :)

Well, I'm doing well so far today. I ate a bit more than yesterday and still on my weird variation of diet. Let's keep our fingers crossed I can make it through dinner. Maybe willpower is overrated. :)

Super Bowls the last couple of years are significant dates in history for me. I never really remember the day, just that blah blah blah happened Super Bowl weekend.

Super Bowl, 2002

I moved home the Friday of this weekend. My old neighbor Adam drove the UHaul I rented because I had to get out of town and just could bear to be there another day. When everything I owned didn't fit in my dad's SUV (shock), I rented a UHaul, we packed it and left the next day. I cried the whole way home and the whole next day as I tried to unpack 5 years of living in an apartment into my old bedroom. Super Bowl Sunday my mom was away, my dad went to the bar he always goes to (Copperfield's) to hang out with his buddies and Trish and my sister sat in my new/old family room as the weight of my new life sunk in. (I have the best friends in the entire world, have I ever mentioned that before?) Adam Vittatari (?)'s field goal, Rich Gannon's forward pass debacle call should've been an adreniline rush...I hardly remember an emotion...that day or for a month or two after.


Super Bowl, 2003

I was in Target with my mom when my phone rang. It was Neil. He was at the Super Bowl in San Diego with his brother. Their two teams playing each other. He was thinking of me because he knew how much I loved Gruden and wanted to call. (I didn't answer the phone, but I know my mom knew it was him because I could feel my whole face light up.) Johnny Boy won and a slight smile crossed my face. Maybe the first one in a year.

I hardly remember Super Bowl 2004. Except that I know I wanted Carolina to win. I was homesick for my old pseudo-home. The game itself, not too exciting.

Now it's time for Super Bowl 2005. I've been in an excited Super Bowl-type frenzy as strangers on the street talk to one another and are happy and polite and all too eager to talk about our area's beloved Eagles.

Given my Super Bowl history, it's no wonder I get nostalgic and find it hard to believe this will be my 4th Super Bowl living in my old house in New Jersey. I've also been feeling that random twinge of sadness and missing Neil. I'm sure it's not all him but some combination of the ever-looming 30th birthday(why do people keep feeling the need to point this out to me? It's 6 months away for goodness sake! :) ), the coupled state of most people I know (including most all people I work with - who can't understand why I'm not with anyone. But another blog for another time, I guess) and the longing with in to share the bundled up love and joy I feel with another person. When I think of Neil, after the "are they engaged/married yet?" thoughts, I often wonder if he's happy. While I know he's not as happy as he could've been (or was) with me, I wonder if he's happier than I am with his life as a whole. I'm pretty sure his job now does not bring him as much joy as coaching and baseball - while mine is blissful despite the rough days, injuries, whiners, and general aches and pains of a job. It's tough some days to keep the smile from my face. Hard to know if my longing for love and blissful job balances out with his relationship and job. (I think about these things 'cuz I'm analytical. I'm female. We overanalyze. I've accepted this. No New Year's Resolution to change this. :) )

Last night, at Girls' Night with some friends we were talking about my panache for liking jerks. (Which is what a friend called my recent crush/not crush from work for something or other I forget exactly what.) It seems that whenever I get in this nostalgic/longing I listen to a couple songs from my old roommate, Karen. Below is the one I could listen to over and over and never get sick of hearing. It's funny how many old relationships of mine it applies to! I hope you all have a safe and enjoyable Super Bowl Sunday! GO EAGLES! :)

Smoke And Ashes - Tracy Chapman

I'd heard rumors and I'd heard talk
About the trail you'd left of broken hearts
About the sea of tears too wide to cross
But a little bad press has never scared me off
So I burned a path to figure out
How to get me some of what you got

I've got a red hot heart
If the talk is true your's is the same
And we should be together
And let our passions fan love's flame

When I looked for you I almost passed you by
You were so cool and calm
I thought my friends had lied
But I thought so much reserve must make you wild inside
It was there and then that I knew
I had to get some of what you got

I've got a red hot heart
If the talk is true your's is the same
And we should be together
And let our passions fan love's flame

I thought I'd won your heart when I held you hand in mine
I thought it was true love the way we complemented each other
But my right is your wrong
And when you're right then I'm left with nothing
Your light and your heat have all been spent
Leaving only smoke and ashes
Only smoke and ashes baby

I've got a red hot heart
And your heart's as blue as the blood in your veins
I say there's fire down below
You say it's only smoke and ashes baby

I'm crying all the time
Salty stinging tears
And mourning for the past carbon-dated years
But knowing now for certain that you were always right
Because if a breeze could blow you out of my life
It's only smoke and ashes baby
Only smoke and ashes baby

I've got a red hot heart
And your heart's as blue as the blood in your veins
I say there's fire down below
You say it's only smoke and ashes baby

I was blinded by devotion
My unwavering love for you
So blinded that I thought all your lies were true
But now I know for certain since you've gone away
It was just a smoldering fire I mistook for a blaze
Only smoke and ashes baby

I've got a red hot heart
And your heart's as blue as the blood in your veins
I say there's fire down below
You say it's only smoke and ashes baby
Only smoke and ashes baby, baby ...

I'm pretty sure I never evolved. Now, I don't care which end of Nature/Nurture you are on, or whether you believe in the Darwin vs. God fight. I didn't evolve. At least, not according to Matt Andrews a biology professor at UMD, who says that "as humans evolved, however, we were selected for the ability to maintain our temperatures." I'd like to tell Mr. Andrews that I have not evolved and my body was created to hibernate. Check out the proof I found at http://library.thinkquest.org/TQ0312800/hibernate.htm .

"Hibernation is a time when animals ‘sleep’ through cold weather. This sleep is not like human sleep where loud noises can wake you up. With true hibernation, the animal can be moved around or touched and not know it. [Don’t you do this, though. Some animals only go into a torpor or temporary sleep time and can wake up quickly. Like BEARS.] We are going to use the word 'sleep' sometimes but hibernation is different from regular sleep. With normal sleep, the animal moves a little, has an active brain, and can wake up very quickly. With true hibernation, the animal appears dead. There is no movement and it takes a long time for it to wake up enough to even walk around"

Apparently, Mr. Andrews has never seen me sleep in the winter. All day I long to just curl up in my bed and go back to sleep. When winter comes I can sleep 12 hours straight without stirring, except when awaken by either my alarm clock or the repetative dreams of various types of food. I often appear dead. My mother has said so. Hibernation is severely under rated. And I believe I need to avoid the stress of the cold, winter months and sleep until it is warmer and safer for my survival. (As quoted by library.thinkquest.com)

That Groundhog had better be shadow free tomorrow! Or I may just follow the quote on my email and pay a little visit to Puxatawny Phil! :) So, if you see an article about a missing groundhog...say nothing. It is crucial to my survival! :)