Well, after last night, we are 1-6. One win, six losses. It's amazing how the record in no way reflects the way we play. I know I'm bias, but we are really not as bad as 1 and 6. Our guys play their little hearts out and always keep the game seeming pretty close. It's always one or two little screw ups that result in game changing plays for the other team. Things like 3 guys missing tackle and their running back breaks for 75 yards down the field, us not reading a hand-off followed by a long pass 30 yards to put them within scoring position and the officials not counting our QB's forward progress resulting in us leaving the ball on the 1/2 yard line after 4 downs.
Our poor guys. They are so beat up. We lost 3 of our starters last night within 20 minutes. Injury summary - 1 2nd degree MCL sprain, 1 broken thumb and 1 broken leg. (This is not counting the opposing team who lost one near the end of the game with a broken ankle.) The broken thumb missed wrestling season last year due to tearing his ACL second to the last football game of last year. This year, he breaks his thumb the third to last game of his senior year. Our broken leg (we think, we just make severely educated "guesses" at these things, but considering both possibly broken body part people almost passed out on us, it's a good bet) missed all of last year, his Junior year, after breaking his forearm in the first game of the season. It's injuries like these, all to players who have struggled to overcome injuries, long hard struggles, that make my heart just break!
We have 2 games left. One of those teams is Top 10 in the state. Somedays I hope the good Lord just evokes the Mercy rule and speeds up time. Other days I realize I'm enjoying this years players so much, I'll be sad to see this fall season end.
_______________________________________________________________________
I went to Trish's (along with Reenie) tonight to watch Halloween. We followed it with a great B-movie-type cheesy comedy-horror called Dead and Breakfast. The singer (think Farrelly Brothers - Something About Mary) makes the movie! :) I still gasped and jumped a little throughout Halloween and had to keep calming my nerves as I drove home. I honestly don't know why people do things like that to themselves! (and am writing this blog to ease my mind enough to sleep! :) )
______________________________________________________________________________
I hope everyone has a wonderful Halloween weekend! Check back soon for pictures of my little giraffe/ladybug coming as soon as Amy sends them to me! Nothing like having a child vicariously through a friend! :) Happy Ghouls, Goblins and Ghosts everyone!
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Friday, October 28, 2005
For Ron & Company
Dear Lord,
As the sun sets on another day, Glowing softly in the west,
Please set a special place aside for our wonderful country's best.
For the selfless men and women who knowingly give their all...
Who stand guard 'round our banner...and shall never let it fall.
They leave behind both spouse and child to protect and preserve our land,
They leave behind both hearth and home in service great and grand.
They endure heartache and hardship for an occasional word from home,
They endure sharp criticisms, and they often feel alone.
But Lord, please touch their souls tonight, somehow let them know we care,
That we're standing right behind them, even when they're "Over There".
And Lord if they're wet and cold in the darkness of a wild and rolling sea,
Or sweltering in the desert sands, and waiting patiently...
If they're soaring through the silver clouds, or standing guard out in the rain,
If they're laughing, living, loving...or in quiet, heartfelt pain.
Please, Lord tonight embrace them, Soldiers, Sailors one and all,
For they dearly love their country, and they daily give their all
For the young airman away from home, for the first time in his life,
And the officer far away, from his children and his wife.
To the women dressed in olive drab instead of skirts or jeans,
Because when you say "Patriot"...they can tell you what it means.
And Lord, if before this night is through, Heaven's Gate should open wide,
And a soldier, airman, sailor or marine should step inside,
If he straightens to attention with a clicking of his boot,
And proudly states his presence with a textbook sharp salute,
Embrace him, Lord...and love him...in Your great and perfect way
For he was one of the best, dear Lord...the Pride of the USA. (from www.sgtmoms.com)
Ron: My family and friends are all praying for the you. And so, here's another thought just for you and "your guys" in the hopes you'll all be back with your wife, kids, girlfriends, etc. soon...
"Wish that I was on ole rocky top,
Down in the tennessee hills.
Ain’t no smoggy smoke on rocky top,
Ain’t no telephone bills.
Once there was a girl on rocky top,
Half bear the other half cat.
Wild as a mink, sweet as soda pop,
I still dream about that.
Rocky top, you’ll always be
Home sweet home to me.
Good ole rocky top,
Rocky top tennessee, rocky top tennessee.
Once two strangers climbed on rocky top,
Lookin’ for a moonshine still.
Strangers ain’t come back from rocky top,
Guess they never will.
Corn won’t grow at all on rocky top,
Dirt’s too rocky by far.
That’s why all the folks on rocky top
Get their corn from a jar.
Rocky top, you’ll always be
Home sweet home to me.
Good ole rocky top,
Rocky top tennessee, rocky top tennessee.
Now I’ve had years of cramped up city life,
Trapped like a duck in a pen.
Now all I know is it’s a pity life
Can’t be simple again.
Rocky top, you’ll always be
Home sweet home to me.
Good ole rocky top,
Rocky top tennessee, rocky top tennessee.
Rocky top tennessee, rocky top tennessee.
Yeah rocky top tennesee eee eee eee"
:) :) :) :)
(Go Lenape! We're hoping to increase the win column of our football program to 2-5 tonight!:) :) )
As the sun sets on another day, Glowing softly in the west,
Please set a special place aside for our wonderful country's best.
For the selfless men and women who knowingly give their all...
Who stand guard 'round our banner...and shall never let it fall.
They leave behind both spouse and child to protect and preserve our land,
They leave behind both hearth and home in service great and grand.
They endure heartache and hardship for an occasional word from home,
They endure sharp criticisms, and they often feel alone.
But Lord, please touch their souls tonight, somehow let them know we care,
That we're standing right behind them, even when they're "Over There".
And Lord if they're wet and cold in the darkness of a wild and rolling sea,
Or sweltering in the desert sands, and waiting patiently...
If they're soaring through the silver clouds, or standing guard out in the rain,
If they're laughing, living, loving...or in quiet, heartfelt pain.
Please, Lord tonight embrace them, Soldiers, Sailors one and all,
For they dearly love their country, and they daily give their all
For the young airman away from home, for the first time in his life,
And the officer far away, from his children and his wife.
To the women dressed in olive drab instead of skirts or jeans,
Because when you say "Patriot"...they can tell you what it means.
And Lord, if before this night is through, Heaven's Gate should open wide,
And a soldier, airman, sailor or marine should step inside,
If he straightens to attention with a clicking of his boot,
And proudly states his presence with a textbook sharp salute,
Embrace him, Lord...and love him...in Your great and perfect way
For he was one of the best, dear Lord...the Pride of the USA. (from www.sgtmoms.com)
Ron: My family and friends are all praying for the you. And so, here's another thought just for you and "your guys" in the hopes you'll all be back with your wife, kids, girlfriends, etc. soon...
"Wish that I was on ole rocky top,
Down in the tennessee hills.
Ain’t no smoggy smoke on rocky top,
Ain’t no telephone bills.
Once there was a girl on rocky top,
Half bear the other half cat.
Wild as a mink, sweet as soda pop,
I still dream about that.
Rocky top, you’ll always be
Home sweet home to me.
Good ole rocky top,
Rocky top tennessee, rocky top tennessee.
Once two strangers climbed on rocky top,
Lookin’ for a moonshine still.
Strangers ain’t come back from rocky top,
Guess they never will.
Corn won’t grow at all on rocky top,
Dirt’s too rocky by far.
That’s why all the folks on rocky top
Get their corn from a jar.
Rocky top, you’ll always be
Home sweet home to me.
Good ole rocky top,
Rocky top tennessee, rocky top tennessee.
Now I’ve had years of cramped up city life,
Trapped like a duck in a pen.
Now all I know is it’s a pity life
Can’t be simple again.
Rocky top, you’ll always be
Home sweet home to me.
Good ole rocky top,
Rocky top tennessee, rocky top tennessee.
Rocky top tennessee, rocky top tennessee.
Yeah rocky top tennesee eee eee eee"
:) :) :) :)
(Go Lenape! We're hoping to increase the win column of our football program to 2-5 tonight!:) :) )
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Why Don't My Opposites Attact?
Hi All!
Well, I have developed a few new symptoms in my ever breaking down body. The most recent? Flushed Cheeks. This has been happening for a few weeks now for no obvious reason. It goes a bit with the night leg cramps I had a few weeks back (did I tell ya'll about that? Read on the internet it happens in the middle-aged. Stupid internet! :) ) and is in the ever running list of things I find going haywire in my bodily system. Since my mom is very concerned about this, she began her internet search to find out what it could be. Pretty soon she was laughing out loud.
"Hey Jenn, what is it Jill says you have?"
"What?!?!?!"
"You know, Jill says you have something in you that makes you attract all sorts of weird things, situations, people....what is it?"
"Yang, mom. Jill always says it's my Yang."
More laughing.
Here's what she found:
Heart Yin Deficiency
Signs:
PALPITATIONS, Heart Qi affected
INSOMNIA, (wakes in night too) Heart Blood Deficient
MENTAL RESTLESSNESS, Heart Blood Deficient
easily startled, poor memory, Heart Blood Deficient
anxiety, uneasiness, fidgeting Heart Blood Deficient
FEELINGS OF HEAT, esp. in evening Heart Yin Deficient
or low grade fever, MALAR FLUSH Heart Yin Deficient
NIGHT SWEATING, Heart Yin Deficient
dry mouth and throat, Heart Yin Deficient
5 palm heat. Heart Yin Deficient
Tongue: Red, no coating,
tip redder, maybe swollen, with red Points
deep midline crack reaching the tip. Yin Deficiency
Heart area
Heart pattern
Pulse: fine and rapid or floating-empty and rapid Yin Deficiency
Etiology:
Chronic anxiety, worry, very busy lifestyle can damage Yin and cause Yin Deficiency. If there are also deep emotional problems with anxiety, Shen becomes disturbed and Heart Yin Deficiency develops. Very common in the West.
(From - http://www.internalhealers.com/diagnosis/patterns/patterns_ht.cfm#yin)
So, if I'm deficient, how do I get my Yin back? If you guys see my Yin....please let me know I'm missing it and would like it back, so these weird heat flashes in my face go away. Thanks! :)
Well, I have developed a few new symptoms in my ever breaking down body. The most recent? Flushed Cheeks. This has been happening for a few weeks now for no obvious reason. It goes a bit with the night leg cramps I had a few weeks back (did I tell ya'll about that? Read on the internet it happens in the middle-aged. Stupid internet! :) ) and is in the ever running list of things I find going haywire in my bodily system. Since my mom is very concerned about this, she began her internet search to find out what it could be. Pretty soon she was laughing out loud.
"Hey Jenn, what is it Jill says you have?"
"What?!?!?!"
"You know, Jill says you have something in you that makes you attract all sorts of weird things, situations, people....what is it?"
"Yang, mom. Jill always says it's my Yang."
More laughing.
Here's what she found:
Heart Yin Deficiency
Signs:
PALPITATIONS, Heart Qi affected
INSOMNIA, (wakes in night too) Heart Blood Deficient
MENTAL RESTLESSNESS, Heart Blood Deficient
easily startled, poor memory, Heart Blood Deficient
anxiety, uneasiness, fidgeting Heart Blood Deficient
FEELINGS OF HEAT, esp. in evening Heart Yin Deficient
or low grade fever, MALAR FLUSH Heart Yin Deficient
NIGHT SWEATING, Heart Yin Deficient
dry mouth and throat, Heart Yin Deficient
5 palm heat. Heart Yin Deficient
Tongue: Red, no coating,
tip redder, maybe swollen, with red Points
deep midline crack reaching the tip. Yin Deficiency
Heart area
Heart pattern
Pulse: fine and rapid or floating-empty and rapid Yin Deficiency
Etiology:
Chronic anxiety, worry, very busy lifestyle can damage Yin and cause Yin Deficiency. If there are also deep emotional problems with anxiety, Shen becomes disturbed and Heart Yin Deficiency develops. Very common in the West.
(From - http://www.internalhealers.com/diagnosis/patterns/patterns_ht.cfm#yin)
So, if I'm deficient, how do I get my Yin back? If you guys see my Yin....please let me know I'm missing it and would like it back, so these weird heat flashes in my face go away. Thanks! :)
Monday, October 24, 2005
Overdue Thoughts
Hey Everyone!
Well, here's some overdue thoughts from me. Two weeks ago tomorrow, Trish, Reenie, a friend of Trish's from her old work, Kathleen and I went to trivia night at our local bar....only to find out they'd moved it to Wednesdays! We had a great night.
The next day Trish called me, obviously upset. Reenie's best friend, a guy named Todd she'd started bringing to parties and things lately and we loved him, committed suicide. We had just seen Todd Labor Day and had such a good time. It was so hard to imagine he was gone. More than a loss within our group of friends, my heart was just breaking for Reenie.
I'm not sure if I've drawn the correlation before, so here goes. Trish and I met and became friends our freshman or sophomore year in high school. Trish went to 2 years at community college (smart money saving move) and 2 years at an all-girls college in Philadelphia.It was there she met Brenna. When I moved home and after my year or two heartbreak recovery, I began getting together with Trish and her college girl friends. Brenna also began bringing HER high school friend, Reenie. I really liked being around Reenie.
With my post-Neil self-doubt issues, I never wanted to overstep my bounds and assume Trish's friends liked me for me, as opposed to liking me as the friend of Trish's that comes to things. Friends by proxy sometimes have certain boundries and come with their own issues. Can you get together with these "new" friends without the middle man friend? Do they like you enough to get together with you without your friend (Trish) or are you great when you're around, but not gonna go out of their way to hang out with you? Things like that.
I wasn't sure Reenie (or Brenna or any of Trish's college friends) really liked me, so I never sought to branch out from our get togethers until recently. I really like hanging out with Reenie and wish I'd go out of my way and step over that boundry more.
I just couldn't imagine what Reenie was going through, losing her best friend. Knowing Reenie the little that I did, it was easy to see she would go through the same thoughts and feelings I would have in that situation, "Why didn't he call me? should I have or could I have done anything for him?", etc. It also brought some flooding memories back of my lack of will to live during my time post-Neil. Needless to say, it was a rough time with all of us.
For the rest of the week, all I could think of was the range of emotions Reenie must be going through. The numbness, the anger, the overwhelming grief. I always get so emotional wondering why anyone who commits suicide doesn't think one person in their life is worth living for. That there isn't one person who's life would be thrown into complete turmoil if they died. Isn't there one person in their life they could spare the pain by living? I know when your pain is so great it is hard to see anything but that pain. However, if they knew what they would leave behind, how people would miss them, the void they would leave in someone's life, wouldn't they rethink it?
Reenie has been doing well. Trish, Reenie, Brenna, Jill (who came home for Reenie) and I went bowling Saturday. So much fun! We made Reenie laugh despite herself. I attended the funearl. It was miserably sad. I was a mess and thought Reenie held together extremely well. As Todd's best friend, Reenie was asked to cover him in the casket, as well as once the casket was closed. She did great! I don't know how she was so strong. I cried during Amazing Grace, during the priest's eulogy (I'll expound upon this more on a different blog) and as the casket was moving out of the church. Reenie was sobbing on and off, but I was pretty sure had it been my best friend, or close relative I'd have had to be drugged to be any good. I know I often short change myself, but people have become so precious to me lately. What got me is through everything, Reenie keeps thanking us for being there. (She greatly understood my sacrifice on bowling night when I was up until 2am! :) Considering I usually leave parties around midnight, as I am too tired to speak. :) )
It has converted over to my work lately. While I am usually very attentive to our students, I have been fighting the urge to hug every one of them. I want to tell them they are loved, let them know I am there for them, that there are people they can talk to (not necessarily me) if they're every in despair, to remind them people love them and would miss them if they were gone. I hope they know by our actions, by our concern and I hope their friends and families let them know every day.
Well, here's some overdue thoughts from me. Two weeks ago tomorrow, Trish, Reenie, a friend of Trish's from her old work, Kathleen and I went to trivia night at our local bar....only to find out they'd moved it to Wednesdays! We had a great night.
The next day Trish called me, obviously upset. Reenie's best friend, a guy named Todd she'd started bringing to parties and things lately and we loved him, committed suicide. We had just seen Todd Labor Day and had such a good time. It was so hard to imagine he was gone. More than a loss within our group of friends, my heart was just breaking for Reenie.
I'm not sure if I've drawn the correlation before, so here goes. Trish and I met and became friends our freshman or sophomore year in high school. Trish went to 2 years at community college (smart money saving move) and 2 years at an all-girls college in Philadelphia.It was there she met Brenna. When I moved home and after my year or two heartbreak recovery, I began getting together with Trish and her college girl friends. Brenna also began bringing HER high school friend, Reenie. I really liked being around Reenie.
With my post-Neil self-doubt issues, I never wanted to overstep my bounds and assume Trish's friends liked me for me, as opposed to liking me as the friend of Trish's that comes to things. Friends by proxy sometimes have certain boundries and come with their own issues. Can you get together with these "new" friends without the middle man friend? Do they like you enough to get together with you without your friend (Trish) or are you great when you're around, but not gonna go out of their way to hang out with you? Things like that.
I wasn't sure Reenie (or Brenna or any of Trish's college friends) really liked me, so I never sought to branch out from our get togethers until recently. I really like hanging out with Reenie and wish I'd go out of my way and step over that boundry more.
I just couldn't imagine what Reenie was going through, losing her best friend. Knowing Reenie the little that I did, it was easy to see she would go through the same thoughts and feelings I would have in that situation, "Why didn't he call me? should I have or could I have done anything for him?", etc. It also brought some flooding memories back of my lack of will to live during my time post-Neil. Needless to say, it was a rough time with all of us.
For the rest of the week, all I could think of was the range of emotions Reenie must be going through. The numbness, the anger, the overwhelming grief. I always get so emotional wondering why anyone who commits suicide doesn't think one person in their life is worth living for. That there isn't one person who's life would be thrown into complete turmoil if they died. Isn't there one person in their life they could spare the pain by living? I know when your pain is so great it is hard to see anything but that pain. However, if they knew what they would leave behind, how people would miss them, the void they would leave in someone's life, wouldn't they rethink it?
Reenie has been doing well. Trish, Reenie, Brenna, Jill (who came home for Reenie) and I went bowling Saturday. So much fun! We made Reenie laugh despite herself. I attended the funearl. It was miserably sad. I was a mess and thought Reenie held together extremely well. As Todd's best friend, Reenie was asked to cover him in the casket, as well as once the casket was closed. She did great! I don't know how she was so strong. I cried during Amazing Grace, during the priest's eulogy (I'll expound upon this more on a different blog) and as the casket was moving out of the church. Reenie was sobbing on and off, but I was pretty sure had it been my best friend, or close relative I'd have had to be drugged to be any good. I know I often short change myself, but people have become so precious to me lately. What got me is through everything, Reenie keeps thanking us for being there. (She greatly understood my sacrifice on bowling night when I was up until 2am! :) Considering I usually leave parties around midnight, as I am too tired to speak. :) )
It has converted over to my work lately. While I am usually very attentive to our students, I have been fighting the urge to hug every one of them. I want to tell them they are loved, let them know I am there for them, that there are people they can talk to (not necessarily me) if they're every in despair, to remind them people love them and would miss them if they were gone. I hope they know by our actions, by our concern and I hope their friends and families let them know every day.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
You're My Obssession
I've been obsessed with this for awhile. Check it out!
http://animal.discovery.com/cams/pandavidr.html
http://animal.discovery.com/cams/pandavidr.html
Thursday, October 20, 2005
All these thoughts, no energy
Hey guys!
Well, I have tons of thoughts lately...things I keep planning on expounding upon, but I'm just to dang tired! I'm hoping to get to it soon....like maybe Sunday (but then, I think I have something to do Sunday I'm forgetting about). It's been a long two weeks. Hopefully, I'll get to it all soon. Hope all is well.
Well, I have tons of thoughts lately...things I keep planning on expounding upon, but I'm just to dang tired! I'm hoping to get to it soon....like maybe Sunday (but then, I think I have something to do Sunday I'm forgetting about). It's been a long two weeks. Hopefully, I'll get to it all soon. Hope all is well.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Sgt. Ron Long
Since I didn't do it before, stupid me!, I'm doing it now. Check out Sgt. Long's Blog (I added it to my links on the side)! I read it every day and the last couple of postings have been wonderful!
While I will be sad to see this wonderful site cease ia Iraq come November, it will mean Ron is finally home with his family and that...will be worth 10 times more happiness than saddness.
While I will be sad to see this wonderful site cease ia Iraq come November, it will mean Ron is finally home with his family and that...will be worth 10 times more happiness than saddness.
Monday, October 10, 2005
Descartes Was Right
"I am accustomed to sleep and in my dreams to imagine the same things that lunatics imagine when awake." ~Rene Descartes, "Meditations on First Philosophy"
So, The Kid is back! I can't remember if I ever wrote you all about this or not, but at one point months or years ago (they all blend together now) I was having these dreams about Kid Rock. Yes, I know, what normal person dreams about Kid Rock? They were always very secure, loving dreams...nothing strange. I was always dating him and the dream itself envoked a warm, secure loved feeling with him and about him.
I know, totally off the wall. So, if you read my post from last night, you know the state I was in as I drifted off to sleep. I can't remember if we were in a limo or on a couch, but he was sitting legs spread, arms hanging at his side (well, one was hanging at his side, the other was wrapped around my back), chin to chest asleep and I was lying sideways on the couch/limo seat with my head on chest, also asleep. I remember feeling very loved, secure, safe and "home".
Please tell me....WHY KID ROCK?!?!?!?!?!?!? Couldn't it have been the guy from Desperate Housewives? I watched that show last night. How about Patrick Dempsey from Grey's Anatomy? I watched that too! NOTHING even remotely involving Kid rock in longer than I can remember...no glimpses of him on t.v., no him randomly shuffling himself through my iPod, no bouts of Kid on my iTunes....WHERE DID HE COME FROM?!?!?!?!? If God's trying to tell me something, is there any reason he's picking Kid Rock?!?!?! And what the heck is it?!?!?!?
Well, all I can hope is that he drift out the way he came in. I swore he was gone, out of my dreams for good! Now this. It's always an extremely memorable dream because of the feeling. Just thought I'd give you guys all the clues that I'm TOTALLY losing my mind! :)
So, The Kid is back! I can't remember if I ever wrote you all about this or not, but at one point months or years ago (they all blend together now) I was having these dreams about Kid Rock. Yes, I know, what normal person dreams about Kid Rock? They were always very secure, loving dreams...nothing strange. I was always dating him and the dream itself envoked a warm, secure loved feeling with him and about him.
I know, totally off the wall. So, if you read my post from last night, you know the state I was in as I drifted off to sleep. I can't remember if we were in a limo or on a couch, but he was sitting legs spread, arms hanging at his side (well, one was hanging at his side, the other was wrapped around my back), chin to chest asleep and I was lying sideways on the couch/limo seat with my head on chest, also asleep. I remember feeling very loved, secure, safe and "home".
Please tell me....WHY KID ROCK?!?!?!?!?!?!? Couldn't it have been the guy from Desperate Housewives? I watched that show last night. How about Patrick Dempsey from Grey's Anatomy? I watched that too! NOTHING even remotely involving Kid rock in longer than I can remember...no glimpses of him on t.v., no him randomly shuffling himself through my iPod, no bouts of Kid on my iTunes....WHERE DID HE COME FROM?!?!?!?!? If God's trying to tell me something, is there any reason he's picking Kid Rock?!?!?! And what the heck is it?!?!?!?
Well, all I can hope is that he drift out the way he came in. I swore he was gone, out of my dreams for good! Now this. It's always an extremely memorable dream because of the feeling. Just thought I'd give you guys all the clues that I'm TOTALLY losing my mind! :)
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.
Mother Teresa once said, "Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty." How accurate a sentiment from a woman who vowed poverty and celibacy. Perhaps pledging your life to God fulfills the parts of your life that aches for another to share yours.
How about an aching to share anything with another person unrelated to me? I'm sure many in post-college life struggle with the question of how to make friends after college. Besides the work place, what are your other options? It occurred to me last night that should I ever find myself in an emergency, such as being stranded and needing a ride, feeling down and needing a shoulder (real live person shoulder)or the like, I wouldn't have anyone to rely on to call. Remember being in college and knowing you could call a close friend on any given night and they'd come, no string attached? Now adult life as intervened and there are families, obligations and distance to thwart the nights of grabbing a bottle from atop the fridge to soothe your grief and without a word being spoken watching as a friend grabs hers and sits down beside you. Um, unfortunately that night ended with Goldschlagger out the nose, thus turning a somber grieving into fits of laughter, but also reaffirming that should a boyfriend break up with you, a teacher fail or embarass you, a rough day in general in the life of a college student, someone would always be going through it with you, by your side.
As adulthood sets in, the natural order of things determines we look for the by-your-side person to be found in a member of the opposite sex. Through thick and thin, for better or worse, your friend will share everything in your life and be your shoulder, as you are for them. Where does that leave those of us living permanently in the unnatural order section of things? Your friends find their person, and rightly and thusly, are no longer your person first and foremost. It doesn't mean they are no longer there for you, there's just a person and a life completely not involving you that suddenly comes before you. Similar, I'm guessing to spouses dealing with having a child suddenly in their lives. In the same vein, there are new friends, new circles which become more pertinant to where your friends are in their lives.
The ebb and flow of life continues, but the jetty remains. Slightly changed, weathered and beaten, but right where it started, watching the waves come and go. The overall look of the sea doesn't change, but the waves are never the same. When the jetty stops to look around and realizes the waves have moved on, but it has remained unflowing, does it mourn?
Last Friday night, a co-worker asked me what was new with me, after we covered the flowing of her life, and there was nothing. Jokingly, she said "Well, it's been nice talking to you.", but who could blame her if she wandered away. We decided I needed to work on having a story to tell, but how? Where do the stories come from? How do you ebb and flow when you are not an ocean, but a jetty? When you are living a life which has seemingly moved backwards, instead of forward. When you come home to your parents, in a world of people with their own spouses, houses and lives with no anyone to spend you free time with? The frequent feeling that your life has no living, no meaning, no purpose and...to paraphrase a cheesy song lyric, "that life has passed you by". To be The Forgotten in a world of The Blessed. To be surrounded with love and caring, with friends aplenty, yet to feel so terribly alone and abandoned? To be so turned around and confused that you no longer know which way to go to get you back on track. The days fly by and the nights drag on forever - well, you guys know I've never had trouble really sleeping, but the time between retiring and sleep is agonizing. The heartache is palpable and I pray every day the desperation is unnoticable.
It sounds so, depressing as I read it, and perhaps deep down, it is. I do not often dwell on it and most days don't even feel it, but I know it's there. I continue to peel away the layers of emotion in hopes of ridding myself of them altogether. It is in the few minutes between awake and asleep I allow myself to delve deep and explore, in the hopes of being enlightened to help turn my life into something more emotionally fulfilling. Perhaps between self-analysis and the pleading, begging prayer the wasting away of my life, that I mourn with such a heavy heart, will subside.
How about an aching to share anything with another person unrelated to me? I'm sure many in post-college life struggle with the question of how to make friends after college. Besides the work place, what are your other options? It occurred to me last night that should I ever find myself in an emergency, such as being stranded and needing a ride, feeling down and needing a shoulder (real live person shoulder)or the like, I wouldn't have anyone to rely on to call. Remember being in college and knowing you could call a close friend on any given night and they'd come, no string attached? Now adult life as intervened and there are families, obligations and distance to thwart the nights of grabbing a bottle from atop the fridge to soothe your grief and without a word being spoken watching as a friend grabs hers and sits down beside you. Um, unfortunately that night ended with Goldschlagger out the nose, thus turning a somber grieving into fits of laughter, but also reaffirming that should a boyfriend break up with you, a teacher fail or embarass you, a rough day in general in the life of a college student, someone would always be going through it with you, by your side.
As adulthood sets in, the natural order of things determines we look for the by-your-side person to be found in a member of the opposite sex. Through thick and thin, for better or worse, your friend will share everything in your life and be your shoulder, as you are for them. Where does that leave those of us living permanently in the unnatural order section of things? Your friends find their person, and rightly and thusly, are no longer your person first and foremost. It doesn't mean they are no longer there for you, there's just a person and a life completely not involving you that suddenly comes before you. Similar, I'm guessing to spouses dealing with having a child suddenly in their lives. In the same vein, there are new friends, new circles which become more pertinant to where your friends are in their lives.
The ebb and flow of life continues, but the jetty remains. Slightly changed, weathered and beaten, but right where it started, watching the waves come and go. The overall look of the sea doesn't change, but the waves are never the same. When the jetty stops to look around and realizes the waves have moved on, but it has remained unflowing, does it mourn?
Last Friday night, a co-worker asked me what was new with me, after we covered the flowing of her life, and there was nothing. Jokingly, she said "Well, it's been nice talking to you.", but who could blame her if she wandered away. We decided I needed to work on having a story to tell, but how? Where do the stories come from? How do you ebb and flow when you are not an ocean, but a jetty? When you are living a life which has seemingly moved backwards, instead of forward. When you come home to your parents, in a world of people with their own spouses, houses and lives with no anyone to spend you free time with? The frequent feeling that your life has no living, no meaning, no purpose and...to paraphrase a cheesy song lyric, "that life has passed you by". To be The Forgotten in a world of The Blessed. To be surrounded with love and caring, with friends aplenty, yet to feel so terribly alone and abandoned? To be so turned around and confused that you no longer know which way to go to get you back on track. The days fly by and the nights drag on forever - well, you guys know I've never had trouble really sleeping, but the time between retiring and sleep is agonizing. The heartache is palpable and I pray every day the desperation is unnoticable.
It sounds so, depressing as I read it, and perhaps deep down, it is. I do not often dwell on it and most days don't even feel it, but I know it's there. I continue to peel away the layers of emotion in hopes of ridding myself of them altogether. It is in the few minutes between awake and asleep I allow myself to delve deep and explore, in the hopes of being enlightened to help turn my life into something more emotionally fulfilling. Perhaps between self-analysis and the pleading, begging prayer the wasting away of my life, that I mourn with such a heavy heart, will subside.
Saturday, October 08, 2005
A Better Place
Hey Everyone!
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month! There are not many charities I actively support (or maybe I should say consistently), but this is one of them! Even more so lately, as my mom's best friend, Lois begins her radiation treatments after a lumpectomy for Breast Cancer. We still don't know if it has officially spread and whether or not she will need chemo, but she seems to be handling everything fairly well.
I began supporting Breast Cancer charities and causes after my friend Erin passed away from Breast Cancer. I can't believe she's been gone for so many years already! I miss her often and wonder what she would be doing, what crazy stories she'd have to tell or how much larger her circle of friends would have grown. Erin had a way of drawing people to her. She was so young (35, right Don? AJ? I always forget her exact age) and full of life. This picture was one I took in 1993 when I visited Erin in California after I graduated high school. This is just off Fisherman's Wharf. There are seals on the rocks out in the water - not that you can see them, but trust me, they were there. :) It's one of the many places that when I think about Erin, I picture her spending her time these days.
Mammograms. Pink Ribbons. Awareness. Happy October!
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month! There are not many charities I actively support (or maybe I should say consistently), but this is one of them! Even more so lately, as my mom's best friend, Lois begins her radiation treatments after a lumpectomy for Breast Cancer. We still don't know if it has officially spread and whether or not she will need chemo, but she seems to be handling everything fairly well.
I began supporting Breast Cancer charities and causes after my friend Erin passed away from Breast Cancer. I can't believe she's been gone for so many years already! I miss her often and wonder what she would be doing, what crazy stories she'd have to tell or how much larger her circle of friends would have grown. Erin had a way of drawing people to her. She was so young (35, right Don? AJ? I always forget her exact age) and full of life. This picture was one I took in 1993 when I visited Erin in California after I graduated high school. This is just off Fisherman's Wharf. There are seals on the rocks out in the water - not that you can see them, but trust me, they were there. :) It's one of the many places that when I think about Erin, I picture her spending her time these days.
Mammograms. Pink Ribbons. Awareness. Happy October!
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