Just wanted to let you all know I have two job interviews tomorrow. One is for a temp job through August and the other is a full time job in my Uncle's company, based in Delaware. For all this time not working, you'd think I'd be happy. Instead, I'm miserable.

I'll use an analogy Claudia (the woman I saw as a therapist in Greensboro) used to use. Something about waves and before you can recover from one the next one hits. I'm gonna change it abit. In the last three years I feel as though I started very close to the shore. I noticed I was near the shore and was looking at how to get there. I had the energy, the drive, and...let's say, a raft to take me. So I hopped on the raft and paddled like crazy. This got me further away than I was before. Figuring it was the raft, I tossed it aside and paddled like crazy without it. Wave after wave hit and I ended up VERY far away from the shore and tired. I rested (for about 6 months), got up the energy, found the shore and began paddling. Along the way, I encountered massive waves that kept knocking me back and making me tired. Every once in awhile I'd pass a sandbar. No, I'd say, I'm not gonna get settled on a sandbar. It'll be too hard to leave again. I'm headed for the shore.

So, here I am, two and something years later and still no closer to the shore. As a matter of fact, I'm much further away after 2 and something years of paddling. Each day that passes with no progress kills a little piece of your hope for a good life. One better than just padding to get to shore. No granted, you know that when you get to shore, it's gonna be walking, hiking, and new obstacles, but oh just to be on shore. To be that close. For a new set of challenges and scenery instead of what you've been caught in for so long. You remember the shore. How you felt on dry land, how much fun it was...and each day that passes eats away a little more at your resolve to get there. I'm always surprised at how much of me is left alive on the day I feel that little piece of me die.

My resolve is gone. The shore is so far away and the constant barage of waves has left me feeling as though my destiny is not one that ever is going to involve the shore. So, I look towards a sandbar (and set up two interviews with them, to see if they'll take me) and try and come to the realization a sandbar may be as close to land as I'll ever see. And once again it hits me, how much of me was still alive, and is right now dying.

So, how many times have I said I'm gonna wirte more often? How many times have I actually done it? Wow! I can't believe I haven't had a thought since the end of June! ;)

I hope everyone's summer is going well. Here's the life update on me:

I have ANOTHER (yes, another) Dr. appointment on Thursday. This one is with a GI specialist. I'm hoping he can give me some insight as to what is going on with me! (It seems all of you who told me I was full of crap...just fortuative! :) ) The bad side of this is that, after MANY discussions with my health insurance agency am not currently covered. I'm hoping to rememdy that with a COBRA policy in time to get whatever tests he issues for me (if any).

My car has decided that since so many other things around me are or have fallen apart, it does not want to be left out! On the way to the Dr. in late June, a rock jumped up and put a quarter-size crack in my windshield, just down from the rear-view mirror. Today, I stopped on my way to work to get gas and my car wouldn't start again. It is currently sitting at the dealer to be "evaluated". Hopefully, a nice $200 investment should make it feel loved again!

How is it that whenever you get to a place where you are actually saving or making money, something comes along and steals it all away?!?!?

Today is Michael Kramer's 27th Birthday! YEA MIKE! He is spending it, wherelse, watching baseball and driving! I hope he's got good LA weather (as that is where he is watching baseball). Speaking of baseball, I got an email from Neil. And although I know there's not a whole lot of you that like him, he is still job hunting, so please keep him in your thoughts. I know how AWFUL this unemployment stuff is and wouldn't wish it on anyone! (Marital woes, yes wish away; job woes...no.)

Jill is still with Sean. From all accounts (except Jill's), things sound awful. I witnessed his low sinking first hand when, at Trish's housewarming, he hit on Trish's cousin while Jill was standing IN THE ROOM! I was not the only one who interpreted their "conversation" as big-time flirting. But, my stupid sister forgives him every wrong and just rolls over when it comes to him. I'm hoping the light goes on before she gets hurt again.

Amy and Brad FINALLY have a house! They will be moving July 31st. Job pending - I may go down and help Amy clean and move. According to her and the Dr. She and Baby Lewis are doing well. Her expected date is October 18th. (right, Aim? I'm a little short-term memory deficent lately.) Trish and my friend Rachel is doing well too. Her expected date is November 2nd. Better go on time, so as not to interrupt Trish's November 29th wedding date! Our friend Cara (same group of friends, Trish's from college) is engaged and getting settled in her new Rhode Island home. She took a job up there just a few months ago and she and her finace moved shortly after.

That might be everyone for which I have stuff to mention. Oh, I forgot. Mom and I went consignment shop shopping this weekend. No clothes fit. Yes, I'm still complaining about my VERY out of proportion body. I must say, the longer this tumultuous lifestyle goes on, the more frustrated I become and the further it beats me down. I guess the positive is that I haven't given in and become "settled" with where I am b/c I still know I can do better. BUT, I just wanna get there and start on the road towards getting out of this Hell. Whoever said the journey is half the fun must've been on a COMPLETELY different ride.

Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it
the seed of an equal or greater benefit.
- Napoleon Hill

(I certainly hope so!)