Just wanted to let you all know I have two job interviews tomorrow. One is for a temp job through August and the other is a full time job in my Uncle's company, based in Delaware. For all this time not working, you'd think I'd be happy. Instead, I'm miserable.

I'll use an analogy Claudia (the woman I saw as a therapist in Greensboro) used to use. Something about waves and before you can recover from one the next one hits. I'm gonna change it abit. In the last three years I feel as though I started very close to the shore. I noticed I was near the shore and was looking at how to get there. I had the energy, the drive, and...let's say, a raft to take me. So I hopped on the raft and paddled like crazy. This got me further away than I was before. Figuring it was the raft, I tossed it aside and paddled like crazy without it. Wave after wave hit and I ended up VERY far away from the shore and tired. I rested (for about 6 months), got up the energy, found the shore and began paddling. Along the way, I encountered massive waves that kept knocking me back and making me tired. Every once in awhile I'd pass a sandbar. No, I'd say, I'm not gonna get settled on a sandbar. It'll be too hard to leave again. I'm headed for the shore.

So, here I am, two and something years later and still no closer to the shore. As a matter of fact, I'm much further away after 2 and something years of paddling. Each day that passes with no progress kills a little piece of your hope for a good life. One better than just padding to get to shore. No granted, you know that when you get to shore, it's gonna be walking, hiking, and new obstacles, but oh just to be on shore. To be that close. For a new set of challenges and scenery instead of what you've been caught in for so long. You remember the shore. How you felt on dry land, how much fun it was...and each day that passes eats away a little more at your resolve to get there. I'm always surprised at how much of me is left alive on the day I feel that little piece of me die.

My resolve is gone. The shore is so far away and the constant barage of waves has left me feeling as though my destiny is not one that ever is going to involve the shore. So, I look towards a sandbar (and set up two interviews with them, to see if they'll take me) and try and come to the realization a sandbar may be as close to land as I'll ever see. And once again it hits me, how much of me was still alive, and is right now dying.