Did anyone watch Friends' Thursday night? The part I'm refering to goes something like this.
Joey: "Phebs, I'm so glad you're here. I need you to teach me French for an audition."
Phoebe : "OK"
Jump ahead a few sceens to the lessons
Phoebe: "OK, just repeat after me 'Je m'appel Claude.'"
Joey : "Blah, blah, blah bleu"
It continues on where Phoebe becomes frustrated because Joey really thinks he is speaking French and mimicking Phoebe perfectly but really, he is not. I've been having alot of those lately. Where I SWEAR the words coming out of my mouth are plain English, yet somehow the result is not what the words were supposed to convey.
Case in point, in December I went to a hair salon (chain one) on the way from work to my office Christmas party. I had been SO busy with work I had no time to see my hair person and it was driving me crazy. When looking at my hair, the stylist said, "You have layers. Would you like to keep them?" to which I replied, "They are longer layers for body, and yes, please keep them." When the blow drying time came, what I had was hair that was angled from my bangs on the left side straight back to where my hair stopped.
The update to my job search is another Blah, blah bleu moment. I received a message from the Bobs last Wednesday asking if I was available "next Tuesday around lunchtime". I called Bob1 back (apparently I was supposed to call Bob2 back, but the marketing guy I played phone tag with gave me a bad rap for not returning phone calls, so I just called the number I knew since I was in the car and couldn't write another number down. Plus, meeting with two Bobs, who work together, should it matter? Not a great excuse, but the truth.) Thursday and said the coming Tuesday at lunch would be perfect. Then I scheduled the rest of my work week around that. I hadn't received a call as to what "lunchtime" was, so first thing this morning I turned on my cell phone to call him and found a message he'd left 5 minutes earlier confirming my appointment for tomorrow at 2pm. I'm guessing in Blah, Blah, Blah Bleu language Tuesday lunchtime = Wednesday 2pm.
(Needless to say, I think I'm going to turn this position down.)
I'm kind of worried now that things like "I'd like a slice of pizza" will blah, blah, bleu themselves into "I lived in Italy for a year." Or "Hi my name is Jenn" will be "Please take my car forever." See how that could be a worry? Maybe it's like the Field of Dreams. Maybe only the people who are "in the loop" can see the Moonlight Graham message on the scoreboard. Or maybe it's like Timothy Busfield and you can only see the players once you believe.
Maybe if I had listened to the whole message, stopped to write down the number and called the correct Bob this wouldn't have happened. Or perhaps I should've just said "Yes" to the hairdresser when she asked if I wanted to keep the layers. And now, possibly I need to be careful to make sure I over describe everything and make sure not to just assume they are on the same wave length as I am. (Even if we have been over it and over it.) You'd think explaining "new" things to people for a living, communication wouldn't be a re-occuring issue in my life. Maybe we are asking our brains to hold to much and remember too much. Maybe constant communication reaffirming thoughts, feelings, and scheduled appointments are what we need in a life filled with lots and lots of things to remember. If we all knew we didn't have to remember quite so much, maybe we could listen to others and correctly translate their words and forever rid ourselves of blah, blah, bleu language. All this questioning begs the question....
Are we too busy or too distracted by our own lives and all that society and technology created for us to do and remember (and that we are expected to do and remember) that we blah, blah, bleu in both speech and listening everyday - even the important things?
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
Monday, February 23, 2004
Hey All! I discovered something else that's missing in my life. An audience.
Yep, you heard me right, I need an audience. The idea for an audience for my life hit me about 2 weeks ago. I was out reading meters at a mental health facility (see? they let me out of the facility, so I' must still be appearing normal! :) ) with one of our networking guys and I told him I felt like we were on The Amazing Race show. I'm not really sure of the premise of the show, since I don't watch it. However, I knew we were wandering around this facility/campus looking for copier machines. I told him the technician who works there was probably in a room somewhere, watching on a security camera yelling, "Go Back. There were three in that building you just past!" and things like "No! No! LEFT! Go LEFT!"
My faith was reaffirmed last night watching Sex and the City. For months people have been coming out in papers, on t.v, etc. saying Carrie should end up with Big. (Now named John, but he doesn't look like a John. What he looks like, I don't know...my guess is I wouldn't have been happy with any name they gave him except Big. :) ) So, the season finale came on, I held my breath...it just HAD to be Big. Well, the writers listened to the audience and catered Carrie's life to it. Big is selling his home in Nappa (which you take, you don't move to) and moving back to NYC and Carrie.
I wonder what an audience could do for me. Right now, I could use a little help in decision making. Most of me feels like every decision I make is wrong. It causes great anxiety in my life. I'm sure that either way I go, it's gonna be wrong. The "Big" prize has just slipped away, until years and years more pass and I get the chance to veer down the "right" road again. An audience would be SO helpful.
I look at it this way...if they really attach themselves to me, believe they know me, say to their friends "I'm Jenn" and then they'll sit at home, watching my ife screaming... "You have to be with Big! you two keep coming back to each other. He loves you." and off I will go, back to NYC, hanging out at the coffee shop with my friends, knowing my Big and I will be together. Finally, after all the years of wrong turns, the audience has lead me back to teh right path.
On the other hand, if they don't really know me, "I'm Charlotte, but I want to have an opinion in Jenn's life too" and they sit screaming, "Alexsandr. He spoils you rotten. Be with him." and I move to Paris to be with him and two weeks later I get slapped, I can blame the audience! :)
It's really a perfect plan. I think the problem is listening. I have to LISTEN to the audience in order to have them work properly. I often think of you guys, my friends, as my audience. As you know, I don't always listen to you. I mean, how many of you wanted Neil gone like 4 years ago?!?!?! (He is gone, BTW. In his new house and close to engagement. I don't feel better, but I don't feel worse, so I guess it's something.) I DID listen when everyone said moving home was good, and I don't feel that way about it at all, but I guess I never would have survived staying in GSO, so maybe it's better I did listen.
Now, I am thinking of changing jobs. I haven't told alot of you, so here's the lowdown:
My mom's boss, Bruce has a client, Bob (well actually two Bobs own the company) who has an expansion plan and issues about retaining clients. Bruce suggested a Marketing person to meet with customers, make more contacts to help the business grow, that sort of thing. Bruce immediately thought of me. Now, Bruce has thought of me before, when he recommended I work at the Snyder Group. They promised me marketing experience, what I got was secretary experience. Not such a good move. (Where was my audience when I needed one!) I met with the first Bob for 15 minutes as we went over what they wanted to do. I don't know that it's so much Marketing, as it is a relations person. They want me to develop a relationship with their current clients, so if someone in their company retires (average age is 65) the business doesn't go away with them. They also want me to establish contacts and drum up new business, form partnerships with banks and companies key to their title business, and work in getting other title companies to "sell" to them once they are looking to get out of the business. The salary would come just shy of doubling what I make currently. The commute would still be the same and I could get out in the business world with some marketing/PR experience (I promise NOT to turn into Samantha! :) ) I met with the guy who currently does their marketing. In trying to schedule this appointment, things got a little chaotic and I was beginning to feel like this wasn't a great idea after all. As far as I know, they are not looking at anyone else. Bruce has pushed so hard to get me this job, b/c he thinks it would be good for me. I am hoping they don't believe this is a forgone conclusion that I'll take it if they offer it or that I won't hurt Bruce's feelings or reputation if after all this work and interviews I end up not taking the job.
In addition, I finally sat down with my boss and had a very frank discussion about what frustrations I had with my current job. We talked about how there were 7 million "important" things for my job according to my boss' boss and it seemed that I was doing things he deemed "unimportant" or "not my job". My boss told me that he knew our office was different than the others in our region. As long as, I said, there is no questions about why I am not logging any time with "important" matters and no time with "unimportant" matters. There are only 30 days in a month (and it starts over every month) and only one of me. Even with this, I still feel as though I should be doing other things with my job related life. I'm tired all the time and not motivated to put my all into my work, as I once was.(Yes, I have talked to the Dr. about this and I don't know what his take is, but I'm sure if he thought it serious, he'd have let me know.)
I have also been looking at and applying to a few jobs which would move me back into Higher Ed. fundraising. So, in true Carrie fashion, the question I'm posing to the audience this week is....Should I take the other job, or stay where I am and continue to look toward Higher Ed, or just stay where I am and try to advance with this company further?
I have an interview tomorrow with the Bobs. Well, audience, be vocal. I need help making this decision. I wish it were as simple as a Big vs. Alexsandr decision. However, I have to say, in my mind, it might be more of a Alexsandr vs. Aiden. Neither really seems like the "love of my life". Nothing pulls at my heart strings with such ferver or passion as Big does to Carrie. Not only in this arena, but in every area of my life. I think my writers are on strike. Now, I have to rely on the audience! :)
Yep, you heard me right, I need an audience. The idea for an audience for my life hit me about 2 weeks ago. I was out reading meters at a mental health facility (see? they let me out of the facility, so I' must still be appearing normal! :) ) with one of our networking guys and I told him I felt like we were on The Amazing Race show. I'm not really sure of the premise of the show, since I don't watch it. However, I knew we were wandering around this facility/campus looking for copier machines. I told him the technician who works there was probably in a room somewhere, watching on a security camera yelling, "Go Back. There were three in that building you just past!" and things like "No! No! LEFT! Go LEFT!"
My faith was reaffirmed last night watching Sex and the City. For months people have been coming out in papers, on t.v, etc. saying Carrie should end up with Big. (Now named John, but he doesn't look like a John. What he looks like, I don't know...my guess is I wouldn't have been happy with any name they gave him except Big. :) ) So, the season finale came on, I held my breath...it just HAD to be Big. Well, the writers listened to the audience and catered Carrie's life to it. Big is selling his home in Nappa (which you take, you don't move to) and moving back to NYC and Carrie.
I wonder what an audience could do for me. Right now, I could use a little help in decision making. Most of me feels like every decision I make is wrong. It causes great anxiety in my life. I'm sure that either way I go, it's gonna be wrong. The "Big" prize has just slipped away, until years and years more pass and I get the chance to veer down the "right" road again. An audience would be SO helpful.
I look at it this way...if they really attach themselves to me, believe they know me, say to their friends "I'm Jenn" and then they'll sit at home, watching my ife screaming... "You have to be with Big! you two keep coming back to each other. He loves you." and off I will go, back to NYC, hanging out at the coffee shop with my friends, knowing my Big and I will be together. Finally, after all the years of wrong turns, the audience has lead me back to teh right path.
On the other hand, if they don't really know me, "I'm Charlotte, but I want to have an opinion in Jenn's life too" and they sit screaming, "Alexsandr. He spoils you rotten. Be with him." and I move to Paris to be with him and two weeks later I get slapped, I can blame the audience! :)
It's really a perfect plan. I think the problem is listening. I have to LISTEN to the audience in order to have them work properly. I often think of you guys, my friends, as my audience. As you know, I don't always listen to you. I mean, how many of you wanted Neil gone like 4 years ago?!?!?! (He is gone, BTW. In his new house and close to engagement. I don't feel better, but I don't feel worse, so I guess it's something.) I DID listen when everyone said moving home was good, and I don't feel that way about it at all, but I guess I never would have survived staying in GSO, so maybe it's better I did listen.
Now, I am thinking of changing jobs. I haven't told alot of you, so here's the lowdown:
My mom's boss, Bruce has a client, Bob (well actually two Bobs own the company) who has an expansion plan and issues about retaining clients. Bruce suggested a Marketing person to meet with customers, make more contacts to help the business grow, that sort of thing. Bruce immediately thought of me. Now, Bruce has thought of me before, when he recommended I work at the Snyder Group. They promised me marketing experience, what I got was secretary experience. Not such a good move. (Where was my audience when I needed one!) I met with the first Bob for 15 minutes as we went over what they wanted to do. I don't know that it's so much Marketing, as it is a relations person. They want me to develop a relationship with their current clients, so if someone in their company retires (average age is 65) the business doesn't go away with them. They also want me to establish contacts and drum up new business, form partnerships with banks and companies key to their title business, and work in getting other title companies to "sell" to them once they are looking to get out of the business. The salary would come just shy of doubling what I make currently. The commute would still be the same and I could get out in the business world with some marketing/PR experience (I promise NOT to turn into Samantha! :) ) I met with the guy who currently does their marketing. In trying to schedule this appointment, things got a little chaotic and I was beginning to feel like this wasn't a great idea after all. As far as I know, they are not looking at anyone else. Bruce has pushed so hard to get me this job, b/c he thinks it would be good for me. I am hoping they don't believe this is a forgone conclusion that I'll take it if they offer it or that I won't hurt Bruce's feelings or reputation if after all this work and interviews I end up not taking the job.
In addition, I finally sat down with my boss and had a very frank discussion about what frustrations I had with my current job. We talked about how there were 7 million "important" things for my job according to my boss' boss and it seemed that I was doing things he deemed "unimportant" or "not my job". My boss told me that he knew our office was different than the others in our region. As long as, I said, there is no questions about why I am not logging any time with "important" matters and no time with "unimportant" matters. There are only 30 days in a month (and it starts over every month) and only one of me. Even with this, I still feel as though I should be doing other things with my job related life. I'm tired all the time and not motivated to put my all into my work, as I once was.(Yes, I have talked to the Dr. about this and I don't know what his take is, but I'm sure if he thought it serious, he'd have let me know.)
I have also been looking at and applying to a few jobs which would move me back into Higher Ed. fundraising. So, in true Carrie fashion, the question I'm posing to the audience this week is....Should I take the other job, or stay where I am and continue to look toward Higher Ed, or just stay where I am and try to advance with this company further?
I have an interview tomorrow with the Bobs. Well, audience, be vocal. I need help making this decision. I wish it were as simple as a Big vs. Alexsandr decision. However, I have to say, in my mind, it might be more of a Alexsandr vs. Aiden. Neither really seems like the "love of my life". Nothing pulls at my heart strings with such ferver or passion as Big does to Carrie. Not only in this arena, but in every area of my life. I think my writers are on strike. Now, I have to rely on the audience! :)
Saturday, February 14, 2004
I'm here tonight, celebrating Valentine's day and realizing what's missing in life...what I want most in MY life. Not just my life I'm afraid, but in most people's lives. Passion.
Not just any passion. The type of passion that swells up inside of you until you feel like you're going to burst. When you see it, that which stirs all sorts of passion inside your being, you get chills that are hard to explain. You find yourself wanting to talk to all the people around you, hoping they have a similar passion inside them. One which moves people every day. One that, when in its presences reminds them of all the people in their lives who ever experienced it. Of a love that so moved those who experienced it, they'd work two jobs, move from one town to another, just to experience a few moments of it.
Since it is Valentine's Day, I should get back to my night. I had big plans, lots of things lined up to do, but this choice has been better...all curled up in bed, just me, Godiva Choclate Rasberry Truffle ice cream, and that which stirs the passion in my life - old time baseball brought to life in a Field Of Dreams.
Not just any passion. The type of passion that swells up inside of you until you feel like you're going to burst. When you see it, that which stirs all sorts of passion inside your being, you get chills that are hard to explain. You find yourself wanting to talk to all the people around you, hoping they have a similar passion inside them. One which moves people every day. One that, when in its presences reminds them of all the people in their lives who ever experienced it. Of a love that so moved those who experienced it, they'd work two jobs, move from one town to another, just to experience a few moments of it.
Since it is Valentine's Day, I should get back to my night. I had big plans, lots of things lined up to do, but this choice has been better...all curled up in bed, just me, Godiva Choclate Rasberry Truffle ice cream, and that which stirs the passion in my life - old time baseball brought to life in a Field Of Dreams.
Thursday, February 12, 2004
I thought of another class to add...How to survive being a widow and not yet 30. My friend from High School's husband was killed last week. He was a state trooper who, on his way to a robbery, slid on black ice, hit a utility pole and was killed. He and Denise had dated for 2 years, but had only been married 6 months.
I know it's a bit of a downer way to start a blog, but it leads me to a point all my faithful readers of "the blog" may have forgotten...it SUCKS to be single in February! Valentine's day this and Hearts, flowers and candy that. I know I am a bit sensitive to the fact I am still single, but please. Do I need two months of throwing it in my face that love is all around, but no romantic love here? No. I do not. I am sure I am not the only single person in America who feels this way! How do you answer the "What are you doing for Valentine's Day? (or Got any special plans for Valentine's Day?)" and ignore the look of pity in the asker's eyes when you say nothing (or in my case, I'm cleaning my room, vaccuming and writing letters)? It's just a big red "L" hanging over your head all day - while all the shmoopy people shmoop around.
Now, being allergic to Valentine's Day (seriously, I don't know if it's the flowers, or perfumy smell of cards, but something in the valentine's displays in store triggers sneezing fits in me! :) ), I have never been a big "oh let's celebrate" person when I am dating someone. (Which, isn't often) The first Valentine's Day I was "attached" I wasn't quite as adverse to Valentine's Day. I was, however, a bit disappointed that I made dinner, we ate, he left to study and I sat downstairs cutting out mathmaticians with my friends. The only other Valentine's day where I was in a relationship which resembled together, again, the morning of Valentine's day I had no plans and was a bit disappointed. Around noon, I got a phone call and we were off to dinner. There had been a plan, there were reservations, but I was not upset when the second part of our reservations fell through and we headed home to watch the ESPY's (my request! :) ). Even though I am not a big "let's celebrate" person, it IS nice to be reminded from time to time how much you matter and are important in your significant other's life. Valentine's Day or not.
I like the story of St. Valentine and am glad we celebrate a man who, laws be darned, joined lovers together. A true believer in love. Maybe what we would today call a romantic. A person who believed finding your soulmate was rare and shouldn't be thwarted by anything. "That which God brings together, let no man put asunder." Or something like that. Do we really need him crammed down our throat? Can't we observe him, like we observe the President's and just have big sales at department stores and car lots? I don't think St. Valentine would be thrilled with the unintentionally "singling" out of all the people who have not found their soulmate, or who are not joined with them. It goes against what he fought for - to not manipulate love.
Does today's society punish/look down upon us for being single?
Don't ask me. The whole thing makes me sneeze. :)
I know it's a bit of a downer way to start a blog, but it leads me to a point all my faithful readers of "the blog" may have forgotten...it SUCKS to be single in February! Valentine's day this and Hearts, flowers and candy that. I know I am a bit sensitive to the fact I am still single, but please. Do I need two months of throwing it in my face that love is all around, but no romantic love here? No. I do not. I am sure I am not the only single person in America who feels this way! How do you answer the "What are you doing for Valentine's Day? (or Got any special plans for Valentine's Day?)" and ignore the look of pity in the asker's eyes when you say nothing (or in my case, I'm cleaning my room, vaccuming and writing letters)? It's just a big red "L" hanging over your head all day - while all the shmoopy people shmoop around.
Now, being allergic to Valentine's Day (seriously, I don't know if it's the flowers, or perfumy smell of cards, but something in the valentine's displays in store triggers sneezing fits in me! :) ), I have never been a big "oh let's celebrate" person when I am dating someone. (Which, isn't often) The first Valentine's Day I was "attached" I wasn't quite as adverse to Valentine's Day. I was, however, a bit disappointed that I made dinner, we ate, he left to study and I sat downstairs cutting out mathmaticians with my friends. The only other Valentine's day where I was in a relationship which resembled together, again, the morning of Valentine's day I had no plans and was a bit disappointed. Around noon, I got a phone call and we were off to dinner. There had been a plan, there were reservations, but I was not upset when the second part of our reservations fell through and we headed home to watch the ESPY's (my request! :) ). Even though I am not a big "let's celebrate" person, it IS nice to be reminded from time to time how much you matter and are important in your significant other's life. Valentine's Day or not.
I like the story of St. Valentine and am glad we celebrate a man who, laws be darned, joined lovers together. A true believer in love. Maybe what we would today call a romantic. A person who believed finding your soulmate was rare and shouldn't be thwarted by anything. "That which God brings together, let no man put asunder." Or something like that. Do we really need him crammed down our throat? Can't we observe him, like we observe the President's and just have big sales at department stores and car lots? I don't think St. Valentine would be thrilled with the unintentionally "singling" out of all the people who have not found their soulmate, or who are not joined with them. It goes against what he fought for - to not manipulate love.
Does today's society punish/look down upon us for being single?
Don't ask me. The whole thing makes me sneeze. :)
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
I got to thinking about this on the phone with Trish today. I have a tendancy to get carried away when I get laughing, and once again today, I was there. I was wondering (aloud) why everyone says college and high school are to "prepare us for life in the real world", but yet no one really does prepare us for the things that take us completely by surprise in life. I have decided to create some classes to prepare our further generations for "real life".
* How to File Taxes, consolidate student loans, and procure a mortgage.
* What to do when you discover your spouse has cheated?
* How to address family and friends when you are 30 and unmarried?
* Buying a house as a single young female/male.
* Surviving the death of a family member, child or pet
* Babies, babies everywhere...but No Baby for you!
* What's Mine is Mine, what's yours is mine - spliting assets during a divorce.
* My husband looks better in my dress than I do!
* Cinderella - Maid Forever; When the Fairy Tale takes an unexpected twist.
* Moving Back Home
* Hit the Target! - How to Save Money now that you finally have it.
* But Mo-om! Making your parents recognize you as an adult.
* Falling in Love with someone other than you spouse.
* I Wish You Were A Beer. Realizing you are NOT 21 anymore.
* Choosing a Career path AFTER college!
* How kids change your life.
I'm sure I could go on and on, but we could summarize all of these classes in a day long course intitled "But this stuff doesn't happen to us!"
Feel free to add your own class. :)
* How to File Taxes, consolidate student loans, and procure a mortgage.
* What to do when you discover your spouse has cheated?
* How to address family and friends when you are 30 and unmarried?
* Buying a house as a single young female/male.
* Surviving the death of a family member, child or pet
* Babies, babies everywhere...but No Baby for you!
* What's Mine is Mine, what's yours is mine - spliting assets during a divorce.
* My husband looks better in my dress than I do!
* Cinderella - Maid Forever; When the Fairy Tale takes an unexpected twist.
* Moving Back Home
* Hit the Target! - How to Save Money now that you finally have it.
* But Mo-om! Making your parents recognize you as an adult.
* Falling in Love with someone other than you spouse.
* I Wish You Were A Beer. Realizing you are NOT 21 anymore.
* Choosing a Career path AFTER college!
* How kids change your life.
I'm sure I could go on and on, but we could summarize all of these classes in a day long course intitled "But this stuff doesn't happen to us!"
Feel free to add your own class. :)
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
We've run into a slight Blog problem. My friend Kare started a blog. While this is wonderful, it also has stiffled my creativity. When I get inspired to write, I want to write about what SHE wrote about! :)
Unfortunately, I've been thinking about the same thing alot lately. I'm old. The worst part of being old, is that I know I have so much more life ahead of me until I really qualify as old. Even worse than that is the idea I have NO idea where my life is headed.
The last month or so I have come home every day from work annoyed and hating my job. My father and mother keep telling me everyone feels like this about their job. My mom always says, "you're just not cut out for business". Maybe that is true, but I refuse to believe everyone feels about their job as I do about mine. While annoyance and frustration will, no doubt, accompany any job, I just don't believe it outweights the general enjoyment of their career in most people.
I am always trying to do the best for our customers. In my mind, if the customer is happy, we will get repeat business, word-of-mouth business and our business will thrive. Maybe that's all a romantic, idealistic notion of business, but I believe it is what to strive for. The Major Accounts Rep I work the closest with tells me often how much he appreciates all I do for him and how efficient and professional I am. In a couple of instances lately, I have saved our biggest accounts from pulling our contract. I learned somewhere that the bosses people respected and admired the most were the ones who would pick up the phone and solve a problem as it arose. It showed the employees they and their problems were important. I vowed to be one of those people. In my position I have tried to be that person. When our customers have a problem, I try and locate the person who can fix it (if I cannot) to get it resolved quickly. Lately, it's been days and days of running around. No one wants to take the problem on, so the buck just keeps getting passed. I only know so many channels before I run out of options. Even at times where I find the person that can help (or can make the decision to free up the technician who can help), they are unwilling (or won't free up the person to help). Yet, they constantly come down on me to get the problem resolved. I can't take it any more.
If mom and dad are right, I will go through this for the next 48 years until I can retire. If they are right, and this is the problem in every job, then I will finally have to just let go of the trying to make it better and just adjust to the medicore that seasoned vets in a company have done. I guess there is a good reason we view most "old timers" in a company as "grumpy" or we ask them, "How have you managed to deal with this for so many years?"
Before I wrap this blog up, I just wanted to let you guys all know I got an email from Neil the other day. He and Christy bought a house (down the street from Jesper and Chris and his former player JJ and his wife? Katie) and he says they will probably get engaged soon because it is "the next logical step". For as upset as I am about the whole thing - beginning with wishing I had never met him AND gotten involved with him or how he and Christy play with my emotions and manipulated the situation, I am also a bit relieved. I would never want to be with some one who married me because "it was the next logical step" or because it is comfortable and easy. I want him to say to his friends that he loves me and knows he wants to spend every minute of the rest of his life with me (or something like that. 'Cuz guys - straight ones - just don't talk like that. :) ) not that he was with me when he realized it was time to settle down. I believe Neil is gone from my life and while I would've been happy had things turned out differently with us, given the circumstances and all his poor decisions, I will try and believe what you all say and that I will be better off with him gone. (Oh, and if any of you hear he got half of what I went through, you must let me know. :) )
Well, I'm off to hibernate. As a pretty grumpy, sad, dejected (who feels empty and lost most days) person who hates the cold, I figure hibernating is best! (I just wish I could really do it! I DO still have to leave the house occasionally.) I hope you guys are all doing well and staying warm. 6 more weeks of winter according to Puxatawny Phil. Some words of advice, "Don't Drive Angry".
Unfortunately, I've been thinking about the same thing alot lately. I'm old. The worst part of being old, is that I know I have so much more life ahead of me until I really qualify as old. Even worse than that is the idea I have NO idea where my life is headed.
The last month or so I have come home every day from work annoyed and hating my job. My father and mother keep telling me everyone feels like this about their job. My mom always says, "you're just not cut out for business". Maybe that is true, but I refuse to believe everyone feels about their job as I do about mine. While annoyance and frustration will, no doubt, accompany any job, I just don't believe it outweights the general enjoyment of their career in most people.
I am always trying to do the best for our customers. In my mind, if the customer is happy, we will get repeat business, word-of-mouth business and our business will thrive. Maybe that's all a romantic, idealistic notion of business, but I believe it is what to strive for. The Major Accounts Rep I work the closest with tells me often how much he appreciates all I do for him and how efficient and professional I am. In a couple of instances lately, I have saved our biggest accounts from pulling our contract. I learned somewhere that the bosses people respected and admired the most were the ones who would pick up the phone and solve a problem as it arose. It showed the employees they and their problems were important. I vowed to be one of those people. In my position I have tried to be that person. When our customers have a problem, I try and locate the person who can fix it (if I cannot) to get it resolved quickly. Lately, it's been days and days of running around. No one wants to take the problem on, so the buck just keeps getting passed. I only know so many channels before I run out of options. Even at times where I find the person that can help (or can make the decision to free up the technician who can help), they are unwilling (or won't free up the person to help). Yet, they constantly come down on me to get the problem resolved. I can't take it any more.
If mom and dad are right, I will go through this for the next 48 years until I can retire. If they are right, and this is the problem in every job, then I will finally have to just let go of the trying to make it better and just adjust to the medicore that seasoned vets in a company have done. I guess there is a good reason we view most "old timers" in a company as "grumpy" or we ask them, "How have you managed to deal with this for so many years?"
Before I wrap this blog up, I just wanted to let you guys all know I got an email from Neil the other day. He and Christy bought a house (down the street from Jesper and Chris and his former player JJ and his wife? Katie) and he says they will probably get engaged soon because it is "the next logical step". For as upset as I am about the whole thing - beginning with wishing I had never met him AND gotten involved with him or how he and Christy play with my emotions and manipulated the situation, I am also a bit relieved. I would never want to be with some one who married me because "it was the next logical step" or because it is comfortable and easy. I want him to say to his friends that he loves me and knows he wants to spend every minute of the rest of his life with me (or something like that. 'Cuz guys - straight ones - just don't talk like that. :) ) not that he was with me when he realized it was time to settle down. I believe Neil is gone from my life and while I would've been happy had things turned out differently with us, given the circumstances and all his poor decisions, I will try and believe what you all say and that I will be better off with him gone. (Oh, and if any of you hear he got half of what I went through, you must let me know. :) )
Well, I'm off to hibernate. As a pretty grumpy, sad, dejected (who feels empty and lost most days) person who hates the cold, I figure hibernating is best! (I just wish I could really do it! I DO still have to leave the house occasionally.) I hope you guys are all doing well and staying warm. 6 more weeks of winter according to Puxatawny Phil. Some words of advice, "Don't Drive Angry".
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