Hey All! I discovered something else that's missing in my life. An audience.

Yep, you heard me right, I need an audience. The idea for an audience for my life hit me about 2 weeks ago. I was out reading meters at a mental health facility (see? they let me out of the facility, so I' must still be appearing normal! :) ) with one of our networking guys and I told him I felt like we were on The Amazing Race show. I'm not really sure of the premise of the show, since I don't watch it. However, I knew we were wandering around this facility/campus looking for copier machines. I told him the technician who works there was probably in a room somewhere, watching on a security camera yelling, "Go Back. There were three in that building you just past!" and things like "No! No! LEFT! Go LEFT!"

My faith was reaffirmed last night watching Sex and the City. For months people have been coming out in papers, on t.v, etc. saying Carrie should end up with Big. (Now named John, but he doesn't look like a John. What he looks like, I don't know...my guess is I wouldn't have been happy with any name they gave him except Big. :) ) So, the season finale came on, I held my breath...it just HAD to be Big. Well, the writers listened to the audience and catered Carrie's life to it. Big is selling his home in Nappa (which you take, you don't move to) and moving back to NYC and Carrie.

I wonder what an audience could do for me. Right now, I could use a little help in decision making. Most of me feels like every decision I make is wrong. It causes great anxiety in my life. I'm sure that either way I go, it's gonna be wrong. The "Big" prize has just slipped away, until years and years more pass and I get the chance to veer down the "right" road again. An audience would be SO helpful.

I look at it this way...if they really attach themselves to me, believe they know me, say to their friends "I'm Jenn" and then they'll sit at home, watching my ife screaming... "You have to be with Big! you two keep coming back to each other. He loves you." and off I will go, back to NYC, hanging out at the coffee shop with my friends, knowing my Big and I will be together. Finally, after all the years of wrong turns, the audience has lead me back to teh right path.

On the other hand, if they don't really know me, "I'm Charlotte, but I want to have an opinion in Jenn's life too" and they sit screaming, "Alexsandr. He spoils you rotten. Be with him." and I move to Paris to be with him and two weeks later I get slapped, I can blame the audience! :)

It's really a perfect plan. I think the problem is listening. I have to LISTEN to the audience in order to have them work properly. I often think of you guys, my friends, as my audience. As you know, I don't always listen to you. I mean, how many of you wanted Neil gone like 4 years ago?!?!?! (He is gone, BTW. In his new house and close to engagement. I don't feel better, but I don't feel worse, so I guess it's something.) I DID listen when everyone said moving home was good, and I don't feel that way about it at all, but I guess I never would have survived staying in GSO, so maybe it's better I did listen.

Now, I am thinking of changing jobs. I haven't told alot of you, so here's the lowdown:

My mom's boss, Bruce has a client, Bob (well actually two Bobs own the company) who has an expansion plan and issues about retaining clients. Bruce suggested a Marketing person to meet with customers, make more contacts to help the business grow, that sort of thing. Bruce immediately thought of me. Now, Bruce has thought of me before, when he recommended I work at the Snyder Group. They promised me marketing experience, what I got was secretary experience. Not such a good move. (Where was my audience when I needed one!) I met with the first Bob for 15 minutes as we went over what they wanted to do. I don't know that it's so much Marketing, as it is a relations person. They want me to develop a relationship with their current clients, so if someone in their company retires (average age is 65) the business doesn't go away with them. They also want me to establish contacts and drum up new business, form partnerships with banks and companies key to their title business, and work in getting other title companies to "sell" to them once they are looking to get out of the business. The salary would come just shy of doubling what I make currently. The commute would still be the same and I could get out in the business world with some marketing/PR experience (I promise NOT to turn into Samantha! :) ) I met with the guy who currently does their marketing. In trying to schedule this appointment, things got a little chaotic and I was beginning to feel like this wasn't a great idea after all. As far as I know, they are not looking at anyone else. Bruce has pushed so hard to get me this job, b/c he thinks it would be good for me. I am hoping they don't believe this is a forgone conclusion that I'll take it if they offer it or that I won't hurt Bruce's feelings or reputation if after all this work and interviews I end up not taking the job.

In addition, I finally sat down with my boss and had a very frank discussion about what frustrations I had with my current job. We talked about how there were 7 million "important" things for my job according to my boss' boss and it seemed that I was doing things he deemed "unimportant" or "not my job". My boss told me that he knew our office was different than the others in our region. As long as, I said, there is no questions about why I am not logging any time with "important" matters and no time with "unimportant" matters. There are only 30 days in a month (and it starts over every month) and only one of me. Even with this, I still feel as though I should be doing other things with my job related life. I'm tired all the time and not motivated to put my all into my work, as I once was.(Yes, I have talked to the Dr. about this and I don't know what his take is, but I'm sure if he thought it serious, he'd have let me know.)

I have also been looking at and applying to a few jobs which would move me back into Higher Ed. fundraising. So, in true Carrie fashion, the question I'm posing to the audience this week is....Should I take the other job, or stay where I am and continue to look toward Higher Ed, or just stay where I am and try to advance with this company further?

I have an interview tomorrow with the Bobs. Well, audience, be vocal. I need help making this decision. I wish it were as simple as a Big vs. Alexsandr decision. However, I have to say, in my mind, it might be more of a Alexsandr vs. Aiden. Neither really seems like the "love of my life". Nothing pulls at my heart strings with such ferver or passion as Big does to Carrie. Not only in this arena, but in every area of my life. I think my writers are on strike. Now, I have to rely on the audience! :)