Hey Everyone!
Saw this on Jersey Girl's website and thought it would be fun. I read that you could do it by going to www.googlism.com but I decided to do it the long way and typed "Jenn/Jennifer is" onto Google. Here's some of the results I thought were either true or funny! :)
Jenn is a free spirit but not a hippie.
Jenn is humorous but not annoying.
Jenn is sarcastic but doesn't really mean to offend anyone when being sarcastic
Jenn is all hot and floaty now.
jenn is an egg
Jenn is pleased to be completing the rainbow of fruit flavors
Jenn is asleep at the moment, but were she awake, I'm sure she'd be happy
Jenn is grumpy when she wakes up
jenn is featured on the stanford university cd compilation of best campus bands
jenn is not responsible for any injury
Jennifer is not a criminal
Jennifer is Great
Jennifer is a genius
Jennifer is a funny juxtaposition of a lot of different things
Jennifer is a mindless beast
Jennifer is off to see the Wizard
Jennifer is friendly and likes people
Jennifer is completely right
Jennifer is a male ape who's been forced to entertain a little girl named Kaitlin
Jennifer is hoping to re-establish a relationship
Jennifer is not typical
Jennifer is a retro rocker, dragging tired classic rock back
Jennifer is afraid of commitment because of all of the times she has been burned by guys
JENNIFER is the #6 most common female name
Jennifer is a woman of many tastes
Jennifer, is dropped off with her toys and a list of instructions
Monday, July 25, 2005
Monday, July 11, 2005
Paralyzed or Discovery?
"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are." - Bernice Johnson Reagon quotes (American Historian and Musician. b.1942)
I've spent days now trying to figure out if I'm paralyzed or in an intense process of discovery. My dad often quotes pieces of poems. One of his favorites, nestled among the one about the pelican and the one about the tree, is the Road Less Traveled By. In the days of analyzing where I am on life's long road, I feel many times as if I'm at the fork in the road and am supposed to make some decision; some "where do I go from here?" "What do I do next?" moment.
If my sister is right and we are to create opportunities for our life to take shape and move forward, it's no wonder I feel as if I'm a broken record, playing the same hiccup moment after moment. Days are rarely new and exciting when it comes to meeting or interacting with people. I don't go out of my way to change this. Some weird part of me feels o.k. with this. Lately, I've been doing a really poor job of extending myself to those closest to me. I don't write, I don't call and when I do make plans, I noticed I've been backing out of them at the last minute. My schizophrenic self both enjoys being alone, yet desparately misses having close friends around. Part of it, I think (in my overanalysis) is that I have nothing to contribute. My work life/week consists of errands and pool time, my romantic life (which I'll get to a bit later)should never even come up in conversation, as it has been so long since there was even an inkling of a sideways glance my way and my home life only gets exciting when I argue with dad over going to the diner for dinner. See how exciting a conversationalist I would be at parties? ;) The other part is that I just don't feel like being around people, talking to people or dealing with them. This sounds much harsher than reality, but I've been exhausted with the slightest effort and the littlest thing seems to run my into sensory overload. I think I've sunk deep inside me and I wonder, am I discovering me or paralyzed at life.
I took a step the other night, when, after watching an eHarmony ad on t.v. decided to do the free Personality Profile. Being both overanalytical AND a one-time psych major (pulled the minor out, though), ever question was just agony and every time my "pick which best describes you and which least describes you of these four sets of words" choice was "kind, caring" and the least was "aggressive, argumentative" I was postivie I was going to be a school marme, push-over, doormat who bakes cookies (which I do, but the break and heat kind), knits and pops out kids like a Pez dispenses candy. A Stepford Wife ripe for the picking. After at least an hour of grueling stupid questions, my analysis was surprisingly pretty acurrate. The next day 4 "matches" were in my email, then eight. Before we could even reach the final 10 or so matches provided to me, I got a gut-sinking email...."so and so would like to communicate with you". Uh oh. If I chose yes, to "communicate" with so-and-so (cuz again, I'm not feeling creative with names) I'd have to sign up for one month and talk to so-and-so through email to see how much we had in common. I panicked, logged out of my email and was scared to go back there. I pondered it for the day...should I do it? The girly side of me (which my dad would love to smack right out of my head) wondered if this could be the one thing to turn my life plumeting into the love I'd lately dreamt of (not necessarily that it be so-and-so, but it might be the stick that started the rock wheel rolling) finding. The gut-wrench I was feeling was screaming...Are you really that girl? The internet dating girl? Is this what a beautiful, brilliant, fun-loving, much to offer girl has turned into? Picking up guys through internet sites? A site that advertises for marriage, not just fun meeting other people matches? Are you that low, on yourself, life, love? Really? What have you become?!?! You can do better than this!!!!
I checked my email again and 2 other "so-and-so"s wanted to communicate with me. Part of my brain was Michael Johnson-type sprinting away as fast as it could. I'm not sure which part, but,well, here's a little story to explain what I was seeing in my head/feeling in my bones: I spent alot of time at the doctor (well, it felt like alot of time) as a little girl, sore throats, ear-infections, tummy aches, the works. More times than not, Dr. Harpervatt would send me to have my finger pricked for blood tests. (As I got closer to 11, before we moved, it had escalated to full out needles in the arm blood draws) My poor mother would have to drag me (Jill too) kicking and screaming to the lab down a couple of hallways from the doctor's office. Somewhere around the age of 10, I had it all planned. Luckily for me, it worked beautifully...sort of. Dr. Harpervatt was again sending me for blood work. Mom and I left the office and I trudged along down the halls, without a fuss toward the lab. My poor mother must have been do happy she didn't have to fight me and what maturing I was doing! :) Well, the last turn before the lab door, mom turned to go in and I turned too...completely in the other direction, down all the hallways, out the front doors and right to the car! Fast as my little 10 year-old legs could carry me. In my head, a 10-year-old girl was running, fast as her legs could carry her, as if her life (and her blood) depended on it. What I couldn't figure out was, what was I running from? My gut instinct has served me well as a trainer and I often wished I'd listened to it more in relationships. So, I put my Personality Profile on "Do not send me matches" and walked away.
At various moments in my life, the only thing I knew for sure is I never wanted to be that person who lets life pass them by; who looks back at 70, never having married or had kids, who worked in the same job at the same level their whole life, lived with parents, then with cats, in teh same neighborhood where they'd lived their whole life and wonder what happened? Where did I zig, when I should have zagged? At which point did I make a wrong choice that landed me in this life? Having isolated everyone I care about and the mailman delivering me a package to my house and they find me dead at 100 years old, with no one knowing how long I'd been there. (I have a very vivid, in-living-color imagiation.) This is the person I never wanted to be, yet somehow I know, if my life stays on this course it's on, that is exactly who I will become. So, how do I change it?
The search for an answer to this seriously began after returning from California. The trip was o.k., but nothing spectacular. It seemed Jill and I were on different planets, which was hard for me because we always vacation and travel so well together. Maybe I expected too much from our trip, not from each other, but of things to do and see and just good old-fashioned sightseeing/doing fun. I don't know if my time clock was off, the weather contributed or something was wrong, because in the next week I had such a hard time gettin out of bed. I'd set my alarm, in an attempt to try and revert to EST (Are we in EDT? I never remember) and be asleep again before I could comprehend moving a limb! I was so listless and blah I turned down fireworks on the 4th...my favorite holiday weekend...to stay home and sit on the couch. Up at noon and unable to restfully sleep until 6am this continued most of last week. I finally crashed, or tried to Thursday night around 6pm, when my sister called. A friend, Tim, had 2 extra tickets to Avenue Q for Friday, did I want to come up? All my brain kept screaming was "NO!", but somehow I knew I may never get the chance to see this musical again, so I said yes. I had to cancel plans with Trish to go. The play was wonderful, but I couldn't wait to get home Saturday morning (after only sleeping 2 hours Friday night due to who knows what). We were supposed to have company Sunday, so I backed out on going to the shore with Trish and her friend from work. (I know, twice in one weekend, I owe Trish BIG!) I wasn't really sure I wanted to go anyway, the people, the talking, the being nice. :) I just feel SO lazy. All day I just have not wanted to talk to anyone. I tried to stay where people weren't and managed to squeeze in a few hours of alone time this morning at the pool. Then there were kids, screaming, so I left...30 minutes before I had to be leaving anyway.
So, I was sitting here, reading blogs, playing solitare, hoping sleep would come soon and wondering if I am craving solitude and running away from people because I am discovering me or am I paralyzed to decided which path I should traverse next? Am I scared of moving on or hardened by the past? Are the things I feel about me negativity brought on by subconscious depressed states or doubt from the rejection and hurt of a person I cared for so deeply? Why aren't the positives I feel and think about me reaffirmed by outsiders/strangers to help make them stronger? Is mine a life who's challenges are helping it discover who it truly is or paralyzed by the challenges it has faced?
I've spent days now trying to figure out if I'm paralyzed or in an intense process of discovery. My dad often quotes pieces of poems. One of his favorites, nestled among the one about the pelican and the one about the tree, is the Road Less Traveled By. In the days of analyzing where I am on life's long road, I feel many times as if I'm at the fork in the road and am supposed to make some decision; some "where do I go from here?" "What do I do next?" moment.
If my sister is right and we are to create opportunities for our life to take shape and move forward, it's no wonder I feel as if I'm a broken record, playing the same hiccup moment after moment. Days are rarely new and exciting when it comes to meeting or interacting with people. I don't go out of my way to change this. Some weird part of me feels o.k. with this. Lately, I've been doing a really poor job of extending myself to those closest to me. I don't write, I don't call and when I do make plans, I noticed I've been backing out of them at the last minute. My schizophrenic self both enjoys being alone, yet desparately misses having close friends around. Part of it, I think (in my overanalysis) is that I have nothing to contribute. My work life/week consists of errands and pool time, my romantic life (which I'll get to a bit later)should never even come up in conversation, as it has been so long since there was even an inkling of a sideways glance my way and my home life only gets exciting when I argue with dad over going to the diner for dinner. See how exciting a conversationalist I would be at parties? ;) The other part is that I just don't feel like being around people, talking to people or dealing with them. This sounds much harsher than reality, but I've been exhausted with the slightest effort and the littlest thing seems to run my into sensory overload. I think I've sunk deep inside me and I wonder, am I discovering me or paralyzed at life.
I took a step the other night, when, after watching an eHarmony ad on t.v. decided to do the free Personality Profile. Being both overanalytical AND a one-time psych major (pulled the minor out, though), ever question was just agony and every time my "pick which best describes you and which least describes you of these four sets of words" choice was "kind, caring" and the least was "aggressive, argumentative" I was postivie I was going to be a school marme, push-over, doormat who bakes cookies (which I do, but the break and heat kind), knits and pops out kids like a Pez dispenses candy. A Stepford Wife ripe for the picking. After at least an hour of grueling stupid questions, my analysis was surprisingly pretty acurrate. The next day 4 "matches" were in my email, then eight. Before we could even reach the final 10 or so matches provided to me, I got a gut-sinking email...."so and so would like to communicate with you". Uh oh. If I chose yes, to "communicate" with so-and-so (cuz again, I'm not feeling creative with names) I'd have to sign up for one month and talk to so-and-so through email to see how much we had in common. I panicked, logged out of my email and was scared to go back there. I pondered it for the day...should I do it? The girly side of me (which my dad would love to smack right out of my head) wondered if this could be the one thing to turn my life plumeting into the love I'd lately dreamt of (not necessarily that it be so-and-so, but it might be the stick that started the rock wheel rolling) finding. The gut-wrench I was feeling was screaming...Are you really that girl? The internet dating girl? Is this what a beautiful, brilliant, fun-loving, much to offer girl has turned into? Picking up guys through internet sites? A site that advertises for marriage, not just fun meeting other people matches? Are you that low, on yourself, life, love? Really? What have you become?!?! You can do better than this!!!!
I checked my email again and 2 other "so-and-so"s wanted to communicate with me. Part of my brain was Michael Johnson-type sprinting away as fast as it could. I'm not sure which part, but,well, here's a little story to explain what I was seeing in my head/feeling in my bones: I spent alot of time at the doctor (well, it felt like alot of time) as a little girl, sore throats, ear-infections, tummy aches, the works. More times than not, Dr. Harpervatt would send me to have my finger pricked for blood tests. (As I got closer to 11, before we moved, it had escalated to full out needles in the arm blood draws) My poor mother would have to drag me (Jill too) kicking and screaming to the lab down a couple of hallways from the doctor's office. Somewhere around the age of 10, I had it all planned. Luckily for me, it worked beautifully...sort of. Dr. Harpervatt was again sending me for blood work. Mom and I left the office and I trudged along down the halls, without a fuss toward the lab. My poor mother must have been do happy she didn't have to fight me and what maturing I was doing! :) Well, the last turn before the lab door, mom turned to go in and I turned too...completely in the other direction, down all the hallways, out the front doors and right to the car! Fast as my little 10 year-old legs could carry me. In my head, a 10-year-old girl was running, fast as her legs could carry her, as if her life (and her blood) depended on it. What I couldn't figure out was, what was I running from? My gut instinct has served me well as a trainer and I often wished I'd listened to it more in relationships. So, I put my Personality Profile on "Do not send me matches" and walked away.
At various moments in my life, the only thing I knew for sure is I never wanted to be that person who lets life pass them by; who looks back at 70, never having married or had kids, who worked in the same job at the same level their whole life, lived with parents, then with cats, in teh same neighborhood where they'd lived their whole life and wonder what happened? Where did I zig, when I should have zagged? At which point did I make a wrong choice that landed me in this life? Having isolated everyone I care about and the mailman delivering me a package to my house and they find me dead at 100 years old, with no one knowing how long I'd been there. (I have a very vivid, in-living-color imagiation.) This is the person I never wanted to be, yet somehow I know, if my life stays on this course it's on, that is exactly who I will become. So, how do I change it?
The search for an answer to this seriously began after returning from California. The trip was o.k., but nothing spectacular. It seemed Jill and I were on different planets, which was hard for me because we always vacation and travel so well together. Maybe I expected too much from our trip, not from each other, but of things to do and see and just good old-fashioned sightseeing/doing fun. I don't know if my time clock was off, the weather contributed or something was wrong, because in the next week I had such a hard time gettin out of bed. I'd set my alarm, in an attempt to try and revert to EST (Are we in EDT? I never remember) and be asleep again before I could comprehend moving a limb! I was so listless and blah I turned down fireworks on the 4th...my favorite holiday weekend...to stay home and sit on the couch. Up at noon and unable to restfully sleep until 6am this continued most of last week. I finally crashed, or tried to Thursday night around 6pm, when my sister called. A friend, Tim, had 2 extra tickets to Avenue Q for Friday, did I want to come up? All my brain kept screaming was "NO!", but somehow I knew I may never get the chance to see this musical again, so I said yes. I had to cancel plans with Trish to go. The play was wonderful, but I couldn't wait to get home Saturday morning (after only sleeping 2 hours Friday night due to who knows what). We were supposed to have company Sunday, so I backed out on going to the shore with Trish and her friend from work. (I know, twice in one weekend, I owe Trish BIG!) I wasn't really sure I wanted to go anyway, the people, the talking, the being nice. :) I just feel SO lazy. All day I just have not wanted to talk to anyone. I tried to stay where people weren't and managed to squeeze in a few hours of alone time this morning at the pool. Then there were kids, screaming, so I left...30 minutes before I had to be leaving anyway.
So, I was sitting here, reading blogs, playing solitare, hoping sleep would come soon and wondering if I am craving solitude and running away from people because I am discovering me or am I paralyzed to decided which path I should traverse next? Am I scared of moving on or hardened by the past? Are the things I feel about me negativity brought on by subconscious depressed states or doubt from the rejection and hurt of a person I cared for so deeply? Why aren't the positives I feel and think about me reaffirmed by outsiders/strangers to help make them stronger? Is mine a life who's challenges are helping it discover who it truly is or paralyzed by the challenges it has faced?
Thursday, July 07, 2005
KateMonster
Hey Everyone! Heading up to see Jill tomorrow. Guess why? :) I'm so excited! See ya'll after the weekend! Have a good one! :)
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Crunchy Granola Suites are NOT Sweet
Hey Everybody!
Jill and I have returned from the land of 75 degrees and surfing to humidity, heat and humidity with no water in sight! The pictures I have didn't turn out great, but I'm gonna try re-developing them and see if they're clearer. Also, we are missing a few that are on another camera. Pictures will follow soon, I swear. (Jeremy, this also goes for your wedding pictures, which I took on two different cameras, neither of which are finished. I'll send you those once I finish the camera! :) ) Nothing really stand-out to speak of, just beautiful scenery, good times with friends and a much need vacation. :)
After today, I think I need a vacation! The background goes a littler like this...while I was eating steak weeks and weeks ago, I was chewing and all sorts of realizations as to what I was chewing came flooding into my head.
Now, if you've been around me any during meal time in the last year or so, you know I have gotten very high maintanence when it comes to food. I stopped eating: white flour (I eat wheat instead), broccoli, salads (well, not often and not large ones), at diners (or at least being picky about what I eat that's not prepared by me), drinking water or anything with "floaty things" in it, as well as never really eating fish and, as my father says "inspecting everything before I put it in my mouth"! Given these who-knows-where-they-came-from idiosyncrasies, you'd be surprised there's anything left I do eat, can eat or can give up. :)
I decided it really couldn't be THAT much harder to become vegetarian. Now, I just needed to see if they made a vegetarian that fit what I liked! :) It seems there's something called a Flexitarian or "part-time" vegetarian which was perfect. It meant I could eat meat on occasion and still have dairy and eggs (if I ate those, really...they make me queasy. Not the hard-boiled or deviled ones, just the breakfasty ones.). So, I told the family I'd be working harder on sticking to a diet and being a Flexitarian. I mean really, how far a stretch could it be at this point? ;)
My sister thinks this is hilarious as I generally make fun of those "crunchy" people, or granolas. She had such a field day accompanying me on my first trip ever to Whole Foods as I walked around going "I can't believe I'm here with these people". (It's kinda the same thing as the fact I used to yell at those "people in their fancy cars who think they can do wahtever they want - cut me off, change lanes with no signal, pull out of a space without looking, just because they paid alot of money for their car!") So, today, on my renewed diet, I trekked to the store with "those people".
I think the lack of preservatives has affected the "manners" part of their brains! Never, in any place (but maybe Wal-Mart) have I been cut of, pushed, hit, stepped in front of, or come across random people taking up a whole aisle (which is made for commune-dwelling granolas with it's one ruler width between shelves aisle space) with their cart while they wander around with their little veggied-out heads in the clouds! Not once did I hear Excuse Me, I'm Sorry, Do you mind if I...? NOTHING! The workers, nice as pie. The shoppers, rude, arrogant, oblivious freaks who need to eat McDonald's and join the rest of us in the Golden Rule world.
The worst part about the whole story is....I am technically now one of them. So, as a warning to you all, if I ever 1) Forget to say excuse me, I'm sorry or just chanrge in front of you like you are not there 2) Pretend my life is much more important than yours and therefore, I may push you out of the way, knock you over or charge in front of you because I'm in a hurry, or just because, well, I'm me or 3) Smell of incense, ask one billion questions to anyone behind a counter where I am trying to buy something or began a rant about saving the world, animals, plants, etc. Please force feed me some preservatives/grease/meat and bring me back to reality.
Happy Wednesday!
"I hate hippies! I mean, the way they always talk about "protectin' the earth" and then drive around in cars that get poor gas mileage and wear those stupid bracelets - I hate 'em! I wanna kick 'em in the nuts!" -Cartman on South Park
Jill and I have returned from the land of 75 degrees and surfing to humidity, heat and humidity with no water in sight! The pictures I have didn't turn out great, but I'm gonna try re-developing them and see if they're clearer. Also, we are missing a few that are on another camera. Pictures will follow soon, I swear. (Jeremy, this also goes for your wedding pictures, which I took on two different cameras, neither of which are finished. I'll send you those once I finish the camera! :) ) Nothing really stand-out to speak of, just beautiful scenery, good times with friends and a much need vacation. :)
After today, I think I need a vacation! The background goes a littler like this...while I was eating steak weeks and weeks ago, I was chewing and all sorts of realizations as to what I was chewing came flooding into my head.
Now, if you've been around me any during meal time in the last year or so, you know I have gotten very high maintanence when it comes to food. I stopped eating: white flour (I eat wheat instead), broccoli, salads (well, not often and not large ones), at diners (or at least being picky about what I eat that's not prepared by me), drinking water or anything with "floaty things" in it, as well as never really eating fish and, as my father says "inspecting everything before I put it in my mouth"! Given these who-knows-where-they-came-from idiosyncrasies, you'd be surprised there's anything left I do eat, can eat or can give up. :)
I decided it really couldn't be THAT much harder to become vegetarian. Now, I just needed to see if they made a vegetarian that fit what I liked! :) It seems there's something called a Flexitarian or "part-time" vegetarian which was perfect. It meant I could eat meat on occasion and still have dairy and eggs (if I ate those, really...they make me queasy. Not the hard-boiled or deviled ones, just the breakfasty ones.). So, I told the family I'd be working harder on sticking to a diet and being a Flexitarian. I mean really, how far a stretch could it be at this point? ;)
My sister thinks this is hilarious as I generally make fun of those "crunchy" people, or granolas. She had such a field day accompanying me on my first trip ever to Whole Foods as I walked around going "I can't believe I'm here with these people". (It's kinda the same thing as the fact I used to yell at those "people in their fancy cars who think they can do wahtever they want - cut me off, change lanes with no signal, pull out of a space without looking, just because they paid alot of money for their car!") So, today, on my renewed diet, I trekked to the store with "those people".
I think the lack of preservatives has affected the "manners" part of their brains! Never, in any place (but maybe Wal-Mart) have I been cut of, pushed, hit, stepped in front of, or come across random people taking up a whole aisle (which is made for commune-dwelling granolas with it's one ruler width between shelves aisle space) with their cart while they wander around with their little veggied-out heads in the clouds! Not once did I hear Excuse Me, I'm Sorry, Do you mind if I...? NOTHING! The workers, nice as pie. The shoppers, rude, arrogant, oblivious freaks who need to eat McDonald's and join the rest of us in the Golden Rule world.
The worst part about the whole story is....I am technically now one of them. So, as a warning to you all, if I ever 1) Forget to say excuse me, I'm sorry or just chanrge in front of you like you are not there 2) Pretend my life is much more important than yours and therefore, I may push you out of the way, knock you over or charge in front of you because I'm in a hurry, or just because, well, I'm me or 3) Smell of incense, ask one billion questions to anyone behind a counter where I am trying to buy something or began a rant about saving the world, animals, plants, etc. Please force feed me some preservatives/grease/meat and bring me back to reality.
Happy Wednesday!
"I hate hippies! I mean, the way they always talk about "protectin' the earth" and then drive around in cars that get poor gas mileage and wear those stupid bracelets - I hate 'em! I wanna kick 'em in the nuts!" -Cartman on South Park
Friday, July 01, 2005
This Little Piggy
Hey...Check out my Pig! Try yours! It's SO hard to draw with the mouse, but very fun to try. The personality thing was pretty cool too!
href="http://drawapig.desktopcreatures.com/gallery/large.asp?id=561506&p=0&hof=1&q=personality+test">
href="http://drawapig.desktopcreatures.com/gallery/large.asp?id=561506&p=0&hof=1&q=personality+test">
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