Hey Guys! I'm not sure if anyone reads this anymore, but I figured I'd write. Even if it's just for me.

Anyway, I've been SO busy at work lately. WE are about a month behind schedule and only have a week and a half to get caught up! So, here's the Jenn briefing from NJ:

* I talked to Robert (or Tenn guy) about working at UT. They just had a 15% budget cut. I guess it's happening all over. Anyway, he's not sure he can get me in with him. I did apply for a job with the Agriculture Development office and Robert said he'd write to the Chair, as well as trying to get him to swing by Globals to meet me casually. Maureen told me she's 98% positive Bob is gonna offer me a job with DI after Globals. I was iffy about staying, depending on what they'd have me doing, but the way employment is today, I'm thinking even if I hate it I should probably take it. I'm also thinking about going back to A.T. Von Leer said he might get an Assistant and he wants me to come back there...which I might do.

I always wonder if the reasons behind things not working out is b/c you are not "supposed" to be in that direction. And unfort., it seems the direction I'd like to go is not the one I'm supposed to be in. I guess "supposed" to might mean you hate every minute of what you do, but if it's what God planned, you're stuck with it. I just have a real problem with being given the love of something and then it seems oh no, not for you. I feel the same way about children recently. I've always wanted to be a mother. I've always loved and been great with kids. But lately, I just feel like maybe I'm not supposed to be a mother or have kids. Especially with all the problems I've been having lately. Maybe there is a less "punishment theory" explanation than the only one that keeps coming to my mind in that, I just don't understand why the thought would be nurtured there in the first place if it was never to be. So, maybe I'm supposed to be an athletic trainer. Maybe the last two years or so have been God's way of telling me that my choice to pick a more "family" oriented path for my life was not what I'm supposed to do. That by trying to be "ahead" of the game in not making a late in life transition from A.T. to another career b/c of my kids and husband just derailed me from a life in Athletic Training and possibly without the family I've always wanted.

So, I might go back to it. I'm not quite sure my body can handle it, though. I get real tired easily and can't seem to keep up the pace of a normal 40 year old, let alone a 27 year old. Speaking of my body, it's revolting. Not as in the make-nauseous way, but the fighting against itself way. I'm not quite sure what all it entails, I'm just hoping it gets straightened out soon. And I don't mean just the "girl" stuff. Oh, BTW, I go to the Dr. on Wed. to get checked out. Hopefully, you all will be right and everything will be fine. We'll know by this weekend. Somehow, I get this gut feeling it's not gonna be completely o.k. (But I have to tell you, I'm not sure if I can handle an involved "not o.k.", so it better be a quick-fix one.) And, I've decided that after this, I'm changing Drs. I miss my OB/GYN from Greensboro. I wonder if I could convince him to move. :) This office seems disorganized and impersonal and I have too many problems to feel like I'm a "take-a-number" patient at a deli! I keep crying at Ikea commercials. I've mourned that stupid lamp for weeks now.

Jumping to crying....a woman called me this morning to tell me her entire town/school had been wiped out by the tornado. She was crying as she was trying to speak to tell us she was supposed to bring 4 teams to our Global event and they weren't sure now they could pay us, or get their props together (they have to re-make them) in time. We assured them if they wanted to come, we would make sure they had what they needed to compete. When Lori (the woman) spoke to Maureen, she said she had been fine until I was nice to her, then she lost it crying and to apologize. Little did she know I passed her along and broke down myself. So, please, keep Carl Junction, MO in your thoughts.

Well, I'm off to bed before I start crying at the fact I gotta get up tomorrow! I can't WAIT until next week when I get off this stupid medication! I hope the next one is better not worse! I'm running out of moods to try! :) I hope you all are doing well.

Love, Jenn