Hey Everybody!

OK, here's the deal....I'm tired. Writing this blog takes alot of fun, spunk and after a long day of work, I just don't have as much as I used to (not to mention after the last two years beating up on me). So, I am no longer going to promise to write in here more. However, I have friends who need to be entertained. So, I am just going to say I will TRY to write, so I can amuse you (and give you guys something to do during your days)! :)

A strange thing happened to me a couple weeks back. No, not as strange as a turkey falling out of the sky almost on my car. Or as the football player vs. the midget fight (as a result of road rage) my friend Trish once witnessed on the highway, but strange nonetheless.

After having my car vandalized with eggs by hoodlums who should be locked up with no key, I learned about some very strict highway rules they were implementing on a major traffic jam highway in our town. I emailed my friends to warn them, and threw in everyone else I knew who might travel that road. I threw in my old boss from Destination Imagination, Bob. The following night, my mother and I were having dinner and we were talking about me emailing Bob. I was talking about how I needed to stop over there, etc. I looked over to my left, while speaking, and there he was. Bob and his wife had just sat down for dinner.

I went over to say hello. Bob was speechless. I was thinking it was because he doesn't recognize me (I was looking a little less than my fabulous self). A little further into our conversation Bob said he and Susan Beth (his wife) were just talking about a new position they were thinking about hiring for and Bob said, "I wish I had gotten Jenn's number before she left." And there I was. :)

Bob and I met about the position and I really wanted to take it. My heart was screaming yes. My head - not so much. I debated it back and forth. Eventually, I decided (as you guys probably know), to listen to my brain and stay at Lanier. I figured I've had SO many times I listened to my heart and have been hurt, I needed to play this one a little safer.

Why is it, that listening to our heart is so bad for us?

I would like to think I'm pretty in tune with my body. My doctor would probably agree. While I'm always afraid he's going to think I'm a hypocondriac, I think it's closer to the fine tuning my brain has done. When my body is a tad bit "off" I know it immediately. I think it is this intuitiveness that leads me to take the "give it whatever it wants" attitude. This more applies to cravings - like if I feel like I want chocolate, I get it - but it also applies to rest, aches and pains, and other areas of life. This intuitiveness, however, can be difficult on others - especially doctors. How can you diagnose a problem, based on a "I feel I'm off" complaint? This rolls over to my heart. When my heart falls in love, I follow it. Sometimes, it is the worst circumstances or causes me much grief. And even when my head is screaming "Don't!" my heart tunes it out.

In alot of other instances, listening to my body, I'm convinced, has done me right. Days when I eat lunch late and crave a soda - my body is telling me I need sugar NOW! Or those days you just know you need to eat something with protein. (Never did figure out the garlic craving.) Or when my body screams, you need sleep, I listen. (Not that I ever need an excuse to sleep.) So, why, after all this time is it steering me wrong?

Or maybe it's just that the heart is so much louder than the brain. I was talking to my friend Kate tonight. I told her I just wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life. "Jenn" she said, "You've NEVER known what you wanted to do!" I screamed "I KNOW! That's just it!" I was always so jealous of those people in high school who had a dream college. I didn't really care where, just so I went and liked it. No dream job or major (although I did like althetic training as much as anything). Again, I envied those who had a job they always wanted to do (like Mike with Baseball) and they did or were doing it. I just wanted to like it, make money to support my family and be able to spend time with them. And there it is, what Karen said to me years ago..."Jenn, you do have a passion. Family." So, how do you fulfill a passion for something you don't, and may never have? Career and life-wise, how can I find my field full of misfit bees? (see No Rain video)

How can my heart be so passionate about something it's never had, but can't find a passion out of things it knows?

And how can listening to it be so bad?