Hey All!

Well, between a bad day of football picks and The Sopranos premiere I thought I'd write to ya'll and say Hi! There's so many things I've been wanting to write about, but this last week has been really hectic. Michele is on vacation, so I've been working full-time and swamped while I was doing it! The job was a little better working and consulting on stuff in the office.. Especially when I knew I could come in the next day and finish what I didn't get done.

This past week also I began seeing a therapist to help me deal with some stuff that my beloved website hasn't helped with lately. More of the same stuff...not sleeping, crying, Neil stuff...the usual. Even the long days at work and hour sessions at the gym haven't really helped knock me out! I think Phyl will really be helpful. I know most of you are happy to hear about her. In any case, I still can't seem to shake him. I still miss him awful and even though I'm regaining a little of my interests back, I still wish every day that he were here to share them with me. I still refuse to believe he loves her, refuse to believe he's happy with her (content maybe,but not happy), refuse to think he enjoys himself and the things they do together as much as he enjoyed doing things with me (she just doesn't enjoy things like the Dollar Store and Wings and Beer), and hope everyday he misses me as much as I miss him.

In any case, I ventured out last night with Trish for Chad (her boyfriend)'s birthday. It's always hard for me to be around couples, given Neil. The fact that Trish and Chad broke up a year ago as Neil and I were drifting apart and are back together makes it hard for me sometimes. The fact they are SO perfect together makes it almost disappear sometimes. But last night, talking to Chad's friends about the whole thing stirred up feelings I didn't even really know I had qnd some I wish I didn't. Trish and Chad are wonderful together. Going out with them reminds me often of how Neil and I were when we went out with friends. Not that it's a bad thing. It re-affirms my belief that he really did love me once. When I start getting down about being such a fool, believing he cared me and how could I be so stupid to see things that apparently weren't there - I see Trish and Chad and realize that those little looks between people, the touches, combined with the ease of just being together don't just happen without that strong emotion behind them. But, it does always evoke the wonder of how you could just walk away from it b/c it gets hard and never look back. I don't know I'll ever understand that if as long as I live.

While we were out, we ran into Jeremy Roenick. I'm sure I don't need to explain him, but just in case, he's the Captain (at least in my mind) for the Philadelphia Flyers ice hockey team. And my absolute favorite. More for the fact he hustles and shows such obvious passion and love of the game. My favorite moment was when he was hurt, standing at the glass along the boards, cheering and yelling and jumping up and down with such intensity. Like the fan who sits in the stands (or at home) and yells and screams hoping his team hears him and starts playing with all the fevor of their yelling. In any case, if the guys at our table hadn't pointed him out, I never would've even looked twice at him. A little scruffy, sporting the early 80's hair (you know, a little long in the back so it starts to curl up? Still classifies as a mullet, but just barely? :) ), and looking a little stocky and not as tall as I pictured him. But, I could really tell it was him as he walked by our table on the way to the bathroom. And, of course, "that guy" was at our table, so he stopped Jeremy, said something about the Stanley Cup this year and let Jeremy continue on the the bathroom. I was a bit embarrassed (I'm sure he's used to it, but still...on a night out with the guys, I'm sure you just want to hang out with the guys) and uncomfortable and a bit jealous I couldn't be the one shaking his hand. I know I don't exactly hob-nob with the rich and fomous, but I know (either first hand or by proxy) a couple star athletes and have met them once or twice. And you can't help but star-gaze. I don't know if they ever get used to it. I'm sure they were once the star-gazers, instead of the gazed at...and even these guys have to have idols.

Well, it's time to get ready for The Sopranos premiere. It's funny to watch now that I live home, b/c the way they talk is what I hear every day. Sometimes it's like you're living in an episode! :) I hope you all are doing well (Hank, no ESP next week, o.k.?). I'll be back on a normal schedule next week, so hopefully, I'll be able to write more! :) Night!