You see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet. - Clueless

I've come to the realization that I'm picky. I'm sure those that know me well aren't really surprised by this, but it always surprises me.

I see people in passing and think, "Oh, they're cute" or "I'd date him", but when it comes down to it, I don't. Their hair is wrong, they are too loud, they dress funny, their breath stinks, I don't think my friends would like, do they fit with me physically?, they're too skinny or too fat, they're too nice or too mean...you get the picture. I always wonder how people like Paris Hilton or those stupid Olsens always seem to have a boyfriend. Maybe they just aren't picky. I know they probably have a HUGE field of guys banging down their door to date them (although famous ladies like Nicole Kidman and Hallie barry say this isn't true) they can choose from, but to just scoop one up and be with him? I'm guessing they just aren't as picky.

This latest revelation in "picky" came to my attention tonight as I was playing on my MySpace site. I'm trying to figure out how to customize it a few nights ago, when I stumble across the "Browse" section. This is so cool! So, I search for guys in my area. How fun! I look around and after 4 or 5 pages of guys aged 27-35, I quit. I looked at a couple, felt like I had stumbled into a frat house and walked out. :)

So tonight I decided to give myself a boost. (I'm gonna tangent alittle here, but bear with me, I'll come back.)

I'd been watching CNN (since we only get that and the school announcements channel at work) and they were interviewing "The Year of Yes" woman. You know, the woman who said yes to any date for a whole year? For as cool as it sounded and as positive a message she put across, I was cynical. I mean, Hell I could say yes to every date I was offered if I could say "See? I'm writing this book and I'm saying yes to everybody.". This way I wouldn't be a pedophile if a 16 year-old boy asked me out; or a lesbian if a woman asked me out (this woman dated a woman who wanted the author to have a baby for her). "I'm just saying yes for my book or for the experience." This would also be a great way to not have to go on a second date with someone who bored you to tears. Or a way to not break the heart of someone you go out with once and pines for you over a year later. (Sidetrack coming) I mean, it was one date. I was bored. He obviously wasn't right for me, not to mention I was still upset from tne Neil/moving home thing. He still asks if I think I might be read to date again. Never date a friend/collegue of your mother's son. It's just bad news. Ok., I'm back.

Remember how earlier this year or maybe late last year I wrote about how I can take "being bad" into a whole other level of crap? I can do the same with men. I attract all the wrong kind of men - men I'm not attracted to, but are nice, the creepy-he's-got-a car, so-we-keep-him-around friend of hot men, the you're-so-pretty-why-are-you-or-any-other-girl-talking-to-me man, the have-you-met-Jesus man, the I'm-your RA/teacher/authority person-but-I-don't-care man, the I'm-not-ever-monogomous man and my favorite I'm-married/engaged-but-my-wife/fiance's-not-in-town/here man-this latest of this one coming just two or three weekends ago (on a rare night out for me). After the last one, I was driving home thinking "Am I nuts? I keep saying all I want is a date, to have fun, someone who's interested in me and I have someone interested in me and don't want him!" Now, granted the big "HELLO?!?!?! He was married! Lives in Maine! Has been married twice!" bell was going off in my head too. I kept thinking maybe I just wasn't wording it right. Maybe I kept asking for ketchup and getting mustard because I was just saying "condiment" instead of "ketchup". Or maybe I have a weird disease, like that guy on House who wanted one thing, but his brain got confused and picked a word close to it and THAT came out of his mouth. Maybe somewhere my lines were getting crossed. When I asked for reassurance I was attractive, maybe I should've asked for someone who made me feel attractive and was single.

Maybe it should've sounded like "B-O-Y-F-R-I-E-N-D" (Kare, just for you...a song quote "I want all that stupid old (shite), like Letters and Sodas.) and instead came out like "A-N-Y-O-N-E W-H-O W-I-L-L P-A-Y A-T-T-E-N-T-I-O-N T-O M-E.". After tonight, though, it's clear. I'm just too picky.

I was on MySpace and thought I'd give myself a lift. A little of that reassurance that someone IS out there for me. Someone I could at least have some things in common with, be attracted to...maybe go on more than one date with. I "Browsed" for the WHOLE United States this time in the advanced search. I put in all the criteria it let me, except area. It hit for 709 guys! Now, if this were an experiment, we'd have to look at the flaws, so here we go:

-Granted, these were only a sample of people who had a MySpace site, so maybe only a certain type of person had these sites. Not truly a random or representative sample, but enough for an idea. Plus, I have a MySpace site, so maybe people like me would too.

-I maybe should be a little more open minded about age range, but I wanted to do the narrowest scope of my mindset on dating right now.

-The search DID exclude people who hadn't posted pictures, and I excluded those who posted pictures of celebs or cartoons, since I wanted it to be people I found attractive.

-I did only use the broad search criteria provided by MySpace. This doesnt' take into account the ever growing list of things I'd want in a potential mate. That sounds like I'm hard-core husband hunting, but essentially a girl's gotta have a list. I'm sure guys have one too. There's make or break criteria, the fleixble criteria and the "they've got everything else, who cares about these?!?" criteria. There's gotta be a line to draw when dating somewhere.

I'm sure there are other flaws, but oh well. I also wanted to see where they lived. If most of them were in California, then clearly, I am not on the right ocean! :)

Here's what I found - 3. Of the 709 men listed in my search, I found 3 I was somewhat interested in or had interests in common. I did click on a few other pictures and sites, but other than a cute picture, nothing on the listing stood out as, hey, maybe I'd date that guy, so I didn't count them in my final analysis. Of the 3, one was in Maine, one in Austin and one in Utah.

I could go two ways with this. Maybe a picky person would've come up with no one they found even worthy of coffee, lunch or dinner. (Yea!) Maybe a person who is open would've found more. (Boo Hiss!) Figure there are much more men in the entire Untied States that would fit my MySpace criteria than 709 (lets hope!). Then they'd have to weed through my personal criteria (although MySpace covers a couple that are on my make or break list). So, if there's only 3 left after all that and they're spread out all over the country, what are my chances of finding someone to make me happy (mostly - I'm a bit of a realist too! It won't all be roses and kisses, but enough to stay together) "until death do us part"? How does that happen? Is there really a Soul Mate? Or is it just a race to whichever of the 3 I meet first at the right time? Or maybe, maybe I'm just too picky! :) :)