Another Day

Well, it's been some time since I've been here and it seems like life has just been plowing along like an Amtrak train. Most days I feel like I'm the tracks, today I'm feeling a little more like the wheels. I'm hoping for the day I feel like the train.



Last weekend I went to an old Salisbury friend's house to help her sister plan her bridal shower. We had a great time Saturday night and traffic cooperated with us in BOTH directions! I got home shortly before kickoff Sunday and spent the night camped out on mom and dad's couch "recovering" from my body's lack of sleep.



This lack of sleep comes from MANY things, but the initial assessment is that bars in Long Island close at 4am and my allergies kicked in around 8am Sunday morning. The secondary reasons are money, money money - which leads to my overanalyzing, overtired (because I usually hit the "vicious cycle" thoughts an hour or so past exhausted) brain wishing I had someone male to "lean" on for the days I don't feel like I can take one more thing. My mortgage payment went up per month and I've already been just barely scraping by with my bills. Once my roommate goes, the only bit of money I'd been putting into savings for the 2 1/2 months I don't get paid will cease. It seems like every day since right before Christmas another bill was going up, or someone needed to get paid, or it was a "special occasion" I was invited to participate in. The biggest problem is that with the hours I work a part-time job is all but impossible. I'm trying to cut as many things out and scrimp as much as I can, but working with a bare bones budget to begin doesn't leave room for much "cutting out". The money has kept me up many nights in the last month +. If you ever feel that your days are just dragging by, I highly recomending working 6 days a week and barely sleeping! :)

As I tried to think more about things that happened BEFORE Super Bowl weekend, I realized I can recall events, if prompted, but not days or hours. And pretty much, UNLESS prompted, no thoughts come to mind at all. This week did not disappoint though. The train kept rolling at high speeds and over me back and forth and back and forth. I'm pretty sure it was all the same train back and forth, but who knows....could be multiple trains. It all feels the same to the tracks.

Monday began harmlessly enough and I'm thinking was pretty uneventful. Tuesday I had to work basketball, then was heading over to mom and dad's for free dinner and to pick up the bridesmaid dress I left there (along with some other things). Shortly after school, we had a wrestler come to see us with a painful collarbone. He injured it Thursday, reaggravated it Saturday and was Extremely point tender still on Tuesday. After talking to his mom, it was decided he would get picked up right then and go for x-rays. I walked to the wrestling room to tell our coach. A wrestler we treat had this to say of his coach "Ms. V, he's like an 8 year old. When you talk to him, he's not really listening to you because in his head he's trying to figure out what wrestling move he could pull on you right then.". He hit the nail on the head, as our wrestling coach is known by many faculty and administrators for walking up to you and trying to "shoot" (wrestling move) on your leg. (Basically, it's using two hands to grab you at the knee.) He also paws at you like a kitten with a string toy, in the way that wrestlers do.

The better, more vivid imagination you have for this part, the better and funnier the story will become. Believe me, I can't make this stuff up. I entered the wrestling room and all of our wrestlers were in a large circle doing push-ups. Our coach was in the center of the circle, also doing push-ups. I have learned in the last couple of months that if I do not look our coach in the eye when talking to him, he will randomly "shoot" on someone walking by and wrestle right away from me. I walked to the center of the circle and sat down indian style in front of his face. While he's bobbing up and down doing push-ups, I'm filling him in on the plan for his JV wrestler. Just as I finish, he blows the whistle and the boys get up to run. HE lunges forward at me, knocking me flat on my back and trying to "get hand control" to "pin" me. I quickly tuck my legs to my chest, take my right hand and push him away telling him to stop it. (Please keep in mind, I am not angry - don't ask me why) He continues to try and keep me from squirming away, until I finally roll out from under him. (I was pretty sure if I tried to "wrestle" back, it would've made it worse.) I walked back to the Athletic Training Room laughing at the absurdity of what had just happened. I guess you had to be in the situation to understand that it was not threatening, scary or harassing...just ludacrious. He really is like a child and doesn't think randomly wrestling people without their consent is a problem. I told our Head ATC, as well as our Assistant Athletic Director- both male and both of whom have been "victims" of our wrestling coach.

As can be expected in a high school, word got around quick. All day yesterday teachers were walking in and saying "Is it true?" "I can't believe what I just heard" and the like, mostly followed by things like "I was trying to teach class and he kept 'shooting' on me" and "I was in a meeting last week and he walked in and started batting me around trying to get me to wrestle with him.". Everyone has a story. So, I've been the buzz of the school for 2 days. I've received offers to wrestle now from other teachers, great sumo pictures and fake high school yearbook pictures and some who just laugh at the absurdity when they see me coming. Quite the week. One I can't wait to be over and am just hoping the buzz dies down.

Last night, I walked into the lion's den again for a wrestling match. Our first match of the night a wrestler comes up from a move grabbing his elbow and jumping around. He went down on the mat and I after a quick 30 second evaluation realized he couldn't move his fingers and disqualified him from his match. I stablized him and moved him to the side for further eval. I was going to send him to the ER with his guardian, but my gut was screaming ambulance. His motion and strength hadn't returned after 10 minutes and he was complaining of his arm being numb. His elbow was hot and swollen, his pain was increasing, as was his agitation. Worried about shock, I decided we needed an ambulance. One was called and I informed our Athletic Director of the decision. He immediately berated me because "I have a hard time calling an ambulance for someone who can walk. What if we need one later? It's your call, but I think it's a poor decision." As I tried to let him know I was worried about shock he reiterated "It's your call, but a poor decision.". I have NEVER heard him use the tone of voice he used with me last night and I was hurt, shocked and angry. In the 10 minute analysis I did in my head after we sent him to the ER, I asked myself 100 times Did I make the right decision? Would I do it again? The answer both times was yes. I couldn't help but still hold a little grudge towards him today. I was still angry about the tone of voice and question (essentially) my medical decision. For a change from the norm lately, I had no qualms or self-doubt.

I got in this morning and I was exhausted and drained. The last few days (weeks...months...) had taken their toll. I vascilate between tired, complacent, angry and sad all day. Our Head ATC 100% agreed with me (especially after seeing the kid at the end of the day today - while the ER said he only had a sprain, his elbow is swollen to the size of a grapefruit and he was in obvious immense pain) in my decision and even brought me coffee this morning knowing I'd be a basket case about last night. HE brought the angry for our office today, I just looked like "needs replacing" train tracks. We both tried to stay away from most people (we had games, so it wasn't easy) and I got to be politely short with our Athletic Director (I was hoping he'd apologize and I guess his actually speaking to me might've been guy code for "Let's move past this" but I wasn't ready yet, so I snipped my answers short without being disrespectful and that's the best he's gonna get from me for awhile.). My sister's 30th b-day is this weekend and I'm looking forward to the Flyers game, even the night out with the girls a little bit, but mostly I'd like some downtime - me time, that I'm pretty sure is never gonna come (at least, judging from my calendar, not any time between now and the 1st weekend in March - as I'm working ALOT of overtime and extra pay playoffs to try and ease the money woes).

The train keeps speeding along at Mach-10 and there isn't really an end in sight. After the last few days, I'm feeling more like the wheels - just rolling along frantically as opposed to getting sped over and hoping for the days I can feel like the train, looking sleek and fierce, fast and in control.

-Song by Paul McCartney