I Finally made it to church yesterday. It was a bit disappointing, but good in the same. I am not a studier of the Bible nor do I aim to be. I'm not deeply religious although I think I have a pretty good faith.
The issues I have with Church are much different than the issues I have with God. I don't believe that on the whole worshippers practice what they preach. I guess my take is that the whole point of church is to realign your thoughts with those of God. To "clean the slate" and remember to be Christ-like everyday. To take time to "reset" your mindset.
I prefer my faith to be personal, to be mine. My relationship and not share it with others. Let them find their own relationship. I really don't like the social part of church - it seems cliquish and excluding (at times and with certain people, there are definately people who are inviting) or the "preachy" (like missions trips) part of the social aspect of church - I don't feel I have any right to impose my beliefs on another with their own. Who knows who is right? All I know is what I feel is right and therefore is what I believe. If someone asks my beliefs, I will share, but I don't offer. I guess I feel that if I lead a life that may draw someone to say "I'd like to tap into some of what she is offering and where she gets it" they wll ask. Some may believe this is where you meet like-minded people, surround yourselves with good people with similar view to keep you on the right. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
I guess there is good and bad in everything and church is no exception. The median age at the church I attended yesterday was significantly lowered by my presence (I'm going to guess it was then around 65). The sermon was also very classroom-esqe. I'm guessing I'd love a Southern Black Baptist church sermon. Maybe that sermon would be memorable and energizing. Make me want to "Amen" daily in stores, to people I meet randomly, etc. I was in a church in Greensboro for a co-workers funeral once that made you want to pick up your stuff and run into the streets screaming the praise of the Lord. Powerful stuff. We sang, clapped, swayed...the whole hour and thirty minute service was a celebration of Ella Mae's life and her love (and apparently the congregations love) of Christ the Lord. Hallelujah. Amen. The church I attended yesterday had a sermon that explained how the interpretation of the bible verse was arrived upon. It was alot of bouncing around the Bible and reading verses. I did feel like I learned something and the Rev. did a great job of tying it into life, Jesus and why if you are brokenhearted you should have hope. However, I didn't feel moved or connected to the Lord. I didn't feel warmed over with love after or glowing from the inside out. I was a little tired, trying to process information and apparently in need of coffee because I was going to walk to the Starbucks near the church and decided to forgo it. Lo and Behold (a phrase used mostly because I was leaving a church), I made a wrong turn and ended up right by the Starbucks with an open, inviting parking spot. (Sad how a parking lot can be inviting, but sometimes a church congregation isn't.)
With all the talk about wanting to be warmed and glowy leaving chruch and celebrating God and a sermon that will move you, it is probably a bipolar comment to mention I also love service in the Catholic Church. I think perhaps the guilt is warming in the reminders of home. My mother tries guilt on us and apprently, after spending time with my cousins lately, it runs in the family. Maybe I equate the need to guilt me into love for me. :) I like the tradiations in the Catholic Church. The sameness. You always know pretty much what you're going to get and what you'll be asked to give. When my college boyfriend and I were together, we attended Saturday night mass often. When we broke up, I snuck out of our Athletic Training room every night for a few months or so to attend 5:00 mass. It was comforting for reasons I don't quite even still understand.
I also enjoy meditation. In high school, I attended a church camp in the mountains 3 or 4 summers. It was fun, lots of people I liked from all different religions and lots of new thing to learn and explore. Every night we had a Tryst - time to wander off and be alone with your thoughts. A quiet time to talk to God. Of all the things I think religion should be, it is this. Surrounded by nature...the very things God was supposed to have created...in a quiet conversation with God.
Before you think I'm crazy, he never answered back. Which for a Type-A, control freak personality is just maddening! (So maybe I AM crazy now!) I guess this would be a reason my relationship with God takes on more of a "marriage" sounding conversation i.e. "Why don't you ever listen to me?" "Where is the ____ I asked for?" "I can't keep doing this all by myself". :) But perhaps another post for another day.
I will continue to try churches until I find the right one, if the body the good Lord has given me will continue from here out to get out of bed before 11:30am on Sunday mornings. (And for all you "guilters" out there, he created me, he's GOT to know my morning switch doesn't work!) I think all the church got to me yesterday, as I made up for it by sleeping until 11:30 today! :) If I can get off the couch (where's my accidental Starbucks?!?!?), I will pot my little plants into bigger pots, maybe go through some boxes in my "office" and get rid of some stuff and I'd like to get rid of some clothes that don't fit and therefore I will never wear (mostly to justify the new stuff I'm going to buy that fit because I never have anything to wear). I hope you all have a fulfilling day. Hallelujah. Amen.
Song by Melina Mercouri
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