Hi everyone!

I've been doing alot of thinking about weddings. Probably because I've been to alot or thinking about them in a short period of time. The idea of a wedding is a scary thing. Well, maybe only if you believe. I was thinking about this today at my cousin Rachel and Tim's wedding. What is it that makes a person stand up before God and everyone they love and swear they will be with the person standing next to them for the rest of their life?

At the last 2 weddings I've attended asked to write some words of advice for the new married couple.I always pass. What is it that I, a single person who doesn't understand the marriage emotions, can contribute to their future? The idea of marriage gets scarier with every one I attend. Not necessarily to the point of hyperventilation, but close. Karen, will get such a kick out of reading this Blog, because I was an absolute wreck at her wedding. I couldn't understand how she was so calm just minutes before walking into the great unknown. Just thinking about it raises my blood pressure a little.

In a weird sort of way, I am perfectly comfortable with walking into an unknown future (I know after some of my Blog's you may not believe this...but keep reading - it'll make sense, I promise! :) ) alone. I trust me. I can count on me. And although I'm not always sure how I'm gonna react, I'm sure of how I'm gonna react (get it? ;) ). I can use my gut and logic about me and my life to figure something out, even if (as I told someone on the phone the other morning) "every decision I make is a bad one". I know I may be the only one who has to deal with it. (Now, they may be some arguement that will always be the case, but not in my eyes) I am almost positive (in fact, I'd bet some money on it) that if I ever walk down the aisle, I will be there for that other person for better or worse. I will exhaust all options before giving up on my commitment. I will be true to my vow of til death do us part (canceling some mitigating, life threatening circumstances). But will he?

Do we ever really know how another person feels? Or how they will react? Do they hold their vows as sacred? And if not, what is their breaking point? How much worse is worse for them? Maybe til death do us part means the death of the pet we bought together, or the warm, fuzzy feeling you have when you're in love. Maybe what you're laying on the table at 20 (my cousin Rachel's age) is not what's on the table at 55. How do you know that love will endure? How do you know, short of a "define all the words in our vows" session can you be sure you're on the same page? And what if the page changes? What happens then? Can you really promise forever if you don't know what forever is?

Maybe these are the musings of someone who has never had the feelings that drives a couple to the alter. Maybe it's the embittered part of me that doesn't believe relationships can endure, based on past experiences. It's usually when I feel on the same page I realize just what opposite novels we're in. Maybe it's a the control freak in me that shudders at the thought that some part of my life will be given over to another person who, for as much as he promises in that happy, shiny moment at the alter to have my best interests at heart, may not. And how do you stay true to yourself and your bests interests and keep theirs in mind to? what if these roads diverge? Is that better or worse? Death do us part?

My old roommate Mike and his beloved are one example. As you know, Mike has accepted a job in San Diego as a coach. Coaching is what he's always wanted to do, and so is moving back to the West Coast. His girlfriend, Kristina, just started Physician Assistant's school at Wake Forrest. She is not sure of moving cross country away from her friends and family and finding work out there to be with him, after her graduation, should this last. When does his dream become selfish and indifferent to her "best interests"? If she does "compromise" and move to San Diego (or elsewhere) when the time comes, where's his? When does he compromise his life for her "best interest"?

Maybe my friend is right when commenting on his live-in girlfriend in saying, "I'm not married, because if I were married, I'd be married." If living together is a level of commitment you will be willing to settle for, there's got to be a reason not to push it further. If one wants that level and another is willing to settle for it, the commitment levels do not, and may never meet. And maybe, even though one of the persons wants to live together, it is not something they would do if they were truly in love with the other. Maybe the key is to commiting to someone who's idea of commitment is the same as yours. Someone who hold marriage in the same regard as you. And maybe you'll never REALLY know what someone means when they say, "I Love You" or "I Do", but maybe a mutual understanding to communicate and exhaust all possibility before throwing inthe towel is essential. Maybe an idea of a 60-40 give-take, with alternating the give and the take is the key. And trusting in the other person that when he is taking, there will be times he will give. That when you're better and he's worse, there will be leaning, and compassion, and understanding, and love, and when you're worse and he's better it will be reciprocated. That you life means just as much as his and his means just as much as yours. That when things get tough your "best friend" will be going through it all with you, that you a compassionate ear and an understanding nature will allow you both to get through it together. That the love you feel becomes stronger in times of betters AND worse. That with a strong idea of love and commitment to and for each other an uncertain future is not so scary. Maybe knowing that whatever arises in the future, your core values about each other will breed communication and the being "on the same page" or at least knowing how to get there. And maybe with this trust in the other person, the having someone to help you through the better and worse makes that LONG walk down the aisle more like a stroll in the park. So, maybe I do have something to add to that basket after all.

"I, _______________, take you _____________, to be my __________, my partner in life and my one true love.
I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and forever.
I will trust you and honor you
I will laugh with you and cry with you.
I will love you faithfully
Through the best and the worst,
Through the difficult and the easy.
What may come I will always be there.
As I have given you my hand to hold
So I give you my life to keep
So help me God"