Hi all! I'm sitting here, bored to death at work and decided to write something. Only probelm is...I don't know what to write. So, as is my style in the blockless thought days, I figure I'll write by number and fill you all in on life and my feelings as to what's going on.

1. WORK - Work always sucks. In a new turn of events, the company I worked for published an ad for a full-time Administrative Assistant Sunday in the newspaper. The other girl I split this position with is leaving in November to have her second child and will not be returning. The ad in the paper upset me. Even though we all know I dislike my job and would love to find one I like more, I didn't necessarily want to be fired from this one. Ever since I started I've been saying this position should be a full-time one, but when I met with our partners at the end of July, I was under the impression I would be offered the job full-time if they chose to go that route. So, now, I just get to guess as to what's going on b/c no one is telling me anything. I talked briefly with our Office Manager and she said they just posted the job full-time to see what kind of resumes they would get. Michele (the woman who's leaving) is supposed to train this second person until she leaves Nov. 15th, so nothing will be done with my job until then. I guess there's some comfort in knowing i will have a job until then, but there's also the pressure of having to find a job before then and since I haven't had any luck so far, I don't know why it would change now. I am still looking and sending my resume out, but up until now I've been only applying for jobs Imight like. Now, I guess I need to apply for anything that'll pay bills. This adult life stuff sucks! (And I'm one of the lucky ones who's not completely submerged in it right now.)

2. FAMILY - They're doing o.k. September 11th is going to be hard on Dad, but hopefully he'll get through it with nothing more than a bad hangover. Sean was camping all weekend, so Jill's whole world ended for a short 4 day period of time. not to worry, he came back Sunday night and we haven't seen her since. I'm beginning to think she should offer to pay rent to his roommates for the inconvience of her always being around! Mom has a cold. This is news b/c mom never gets sick. She's troopering right along though, and hasn't missed a beat, even though she's missing some meals (lack of appetite). Hopefully, it'll blow over without any damage to me. (Jill's not around enough to catch it)

3. NEIL - I guess I can report the aching is gone. It's been replaced with a dull emptiness and dreams where I yell at him over and over for leaving me. I guess it's some sort of purging of emotion, but I could deal without the physicall side effects (such as intense heat, waking up shaking and adreneline like you wouldn't believe). I still miss him so much!! But after our last phone bout followed by him spending my b-day on vacation with Christy, I've had it. It's a one-way battle on my part that's never going to be won b/c the only one who cares is me. It's hard to believe you should be forced to live without someone you love so much, but I have to remind myself the choice was his. I felt this sort of calm when I realized that everything else after this will be settling for something less than what I wanted and couldn't have. And, since I'm not the type to settle, I guess I'll just find things in my life to fill the void. I've finally gotten up the energy to leave the house and go work out again. It gives me something to look forward to every day and I guess that's good. The hardest part, I think, is the realization that he will go on (probably to marry the witch) happy, and I probably will never recover. Or that he has gone on, without ever missing a beat, while I've missed entire songs. I guess it's time to move on in life and stop pining away for something i'll never have, but it's so hard to convey that notion to my heart and the empty place this whole oredeal has created AND to fill the space left by one of my best friends. Every day goes on, but I can't say the world is a happier place for me without him.

I guess that's about all that is on my mind. I've deserted baseball, so I'm just holding out for football to start. I think it's a sad day when the sport that has always embodied America has deserted it when they need it most. I think I agree that baseball will not recover to be the sport it once was and I hope those players know they have single handedly created the downfall of an entire sport. I know my love of it will not recover. On August 30th a few hundred of the world's greatest baseball players will all, simultaneously, turn in their graves.

I hope you are all doing well. Talk to ya soon.