Ever notice when you can't have something, is when you want it most?

It's 11am on Saturday morning and I'm having the most glorious thoughts about food. Especially the peanut butter pretzels I know are in the other room, just calling to me. Problem is, according to the little pre-procedure sheet my doctor gave me, I can have "all the clear liquids I like" for two days. Isn't it nice? They worded it like I should be overjoyed. Clear Liquids! As many as I like! Wow! Lucky me! So, I'm one hour into the day and NEVER going to make it.

I began the ravenous thoughts yesterday (when I WAS allowed to eat anything)in the grocery store as I was buying up every clear liquid I could find. I started a couple days ago buying two containers of Apple Juice and one package of lime Jello. I thought I was done. However, yesterday my body went into a panic about the fact that for 48 hours I could ingest NOTHING but those two containers of Apple Juice and one package of lime Jello. So, I rethought the notion, headed to the store and bought 4 packages of colorless popcicles, 12 cans of ginger ale, a granulated container of chicken Boullion, 10 package of non-red or purple Kool Aid and 2 large White Cranberry juices. I'm gonna Clear Liquid myself every 30 minutes for 48 hours! Anyone remember in Sex Education where they said (maybe it was only in OUR school) if you're out with your boyfriend and feel like sex, go out for a hamburger instead? And even though I had no idea what the first was like, I was pretty sure it was ALOT different than a hamburger. Just in the same way I'm sure that a colorless popcicle is ALOT different than a hamburger.

I've decided that when Katie Couric does this every year, better t.v. would be to watch her do the one to two day all-you-can-eat clear liquid diet, than to actually watch the beginning to end procedure live. I'd much rather see our sweet little Katie screaming at Craft Services for putting out food, (why should everyone else get to eat if she can't?) or yelling at the guy on the street because he breathed near her (yes, I'm a bit testy when I don't eat)than to watch her smile her way through the anesthesia and the colonscopy she has done every year to honor her husband's death from colon cancer. Wouldn't you much rather watch her struggle to stay away from the peanut butter pretzels (or frozen pizza, or fresh baked cookies, or Chex Mix) than to watch her struggle to look cute under anesthesia? How do models do this?!?!?!? (I guess I've answered the, why don't you diet question. No willpower when it comes ot food.)

Well, all this talk of food has made me hungry. I guess I'll head down to the kitchen and make myself some Jello.