Got some random thoughts for ya'll. (Like most of them aren't, right?)

We were watching John Edwards last night. I'm intrigued. Gonna try and stay up till 11 tonight so I can watch him again. It an interesting thought. I heard an interview with him on the radio camparing what he does to a helicopter. When the helicopter isn't moving, you can see all the blades - count them, touch them, see them, whatever. When the helicopter is moving, it's not the same, but just because you can't see them, doesn't mean you don't know they're still there. (His way of explanation made much more sense for some reason! :) ) Anyway, some of the things he said to the people in the audience were amazing. I kept trying to figure out how he knew. There had to be SOME way (other than the whole energy/dead people thing)...but nothing came to mind.

The thought of people watching over us kept me up some of the night. More people not sending me roadmaps by way of flying frying pans! Then, I figured maybe I could send them messages. Use them as messengers. That didn't seem to work either. Somewhere in the midst of pondering and the usual late night ache...I drifted off to sleep.

Next random thought...

How can one be happy for others moving forward and achieving successes (in whatever form) without feeling a pang about themselves not? Of course I'm talking a little about me, but I want to know if it can be done...and if so, how? Jealousy is a pretty strong emotion. So, how do you squelch it? I don't think feeling upset that someone has what you want necessarily means that you aren't happy for that person. (as Kare would say, they aren't mutually exclusive) But, can you ever be happy for someone when you want something and they get it without feeling that little pang of jealousy?

O.K. Last random thought....

When does this ache/pain/reactional thought go away? It's not like he died, just feels like he did. Ripped out of my life never to return. Hardest part is, it was his choice to throw 4 years of friendship and 2-ish years of some semblance of a relationship out the window and never look back. The emotions are overwhelming, and yet, I'm the only one negatively (if at all) affected by this situation. He's not, his friends aren't, his work's not, roommate CERTAINLY isn't...so if all these people (including him) can trudge on through life, why can't I? Why doesn't it work out that it's MY life that gets better when he leaves and not vica versa? I miss him every minute of every day (whether I want to or not). With no one to tell and no one who seems to completely understand. Will life go one this way forever?

On a positive Random tangent note...
It turns out the Fat things (known to the public as a groundhog or something like it) living in our next door neighbor's shed, with a tunnel exit in our backyard (so they can dine on all mom's flowers) have added a new, cute, little fat thing! It was outside today munching on clover when I returned from helping Trish pack up her apartment before moving next week. I might just have to name it! :) Well, one more hour till John Edwards...I think I might even make it! :) Night.