Bears, I've decided have the life. I'm not talking about the Brian Urlacher kind, either. Big, warm, fuzzy, sleep-all-winter bears! Think about it!

Today I'm at work...a little bored for a change.

Ellen, my co-worker, got a card with a pastel envelope sent to her at work today from Mr. N.C. Quick trip up north, flowers, cards for no reason. I'd hate to see what Valentine's Day brings. Which, brings me to Valentine's Day.

It hit me around noon today that out of 27 years, this will be the 25th I've spent single. And even that's being generous. My Valentine's Day with Ryan consisted of a hurried meal, then he left to go to the library and I headed downstairs to color dead mathmeticians with my old rommate, Sue and friend, Amy. Although I technically spent 2 Valentine's Days with Neil, one was spent with his now-wife and my roommate bowling, so my roommate, who was new to the area, and his roommate/now-wife, who had just broken up with her get-Neil-jealous man, wouldn't have to spend it alone. But even more, b/c I was afraid that given the choice between spending it with me or her, I wouldn't win. The first one was nice, even if it was last minute. Neil made reservations at a nice restaurant in town and after I got off work, we headed there for dinner. He had planned for us to meet a couple friends of his at his friend's bar for an intimate 6 couple Valentine's Day night out, but that fell through. All the better...we headed home and cuddled while watching the ESPY'S! :) Somehow, though, my single-to taken ratio isn't one ANY betting person would bet on to get better.

For as much as I believe Valentine's Day is a commercial waste of time, (And it has been non-scientifically proven I'm allergic to it) for a romantic-at-heart like me, the idea behind it is fabulous. Plus, in the everyday, most people forget that romance matters. The comfort of a relationship sets in and the "need" to wine-and-dine and impress the one you love falls to the wayside. My friend Jeremy wrote me, after my Ellen got flowers email, to tell me that a long-distance relationship isn't what I cracked it up to be. "Jenn", he started, "at the end of the day, romance aside, you still go home to nothing." (basically, I got it right, didn't I?!??)

Maybe he's right. Maybe the trade for romance is the comfortable, in-love feeling experienced by many who have been together for a long time. Often, though, when was is lacking, it is missed. With Neil, I had a very comfortable feeling with him. (I guess I experienced love...him, possibly indigestion for 2 years.) It is a very safe and warm and secure feeling. However, I missed romance. (I would say our relationship lacked romance, but that's not altogether true) I missed the dollar store cheese grater I got b/c he thought of me when he saw it. Or the Bojangles Chicken and Cheese biscuit that appeared on my desk in the Training Room after one particularly rough night. While these things turned into breakfasts in bed...or dinners when I was sick...and the phone calls from the road 10 minutes after he left because he wanted to talk to me, it was a comfortable secure feeling that no longer required spur-of-the-moment, you-are-always-on-my-mind gifts.

In a relationship that was, in my mind, anything but secure or defined, the romance was what I needed to believe I wasn't in this alone. That his feeling of perceived comfort in no longer needed to wine-and-dine me, was not at all perceived, but made known to me. That the wining-and-dining had dropped off because it was nicer to sit together, be close and enjoy each others company than because I was no longer attractive to him or loved by him.

And that, is precisely what Valentine's Day does. It takes time out to remind new loves that this day will always be a time to remember the romantic feeling of when love was new and to remember that the ultimate search is not for *this* feeling, but for the one lying years down the road. And for those who have weather the storm together, put time aside to love and appreciate their partner for all the storms, and all the "comfort", and to reinact the feeling of young love.

Hey, do you think bears get to celebrate Valentine's Day? Hmmm....maybe I don't want to be a bear after all.