Hi All!

This weekend was an interesting one...well, most parts of it except the Super Bowl. Saturday night I went to a friend's house for a dinner party. At some point in the night, I made mention to someone (I thought it was to either Trish or Jill, but neither remembers it) about my ex-boyfriend (which is what I call him for lack of a better term, not b/c it truly describes our relationship, or even what I thought our relationship was, but because it's short and concise and actually doesn't under or over estimate our actual relationship...but I digress) being a Raiders fan, when it hit me. The altogether too familiar feeling that what I was feeling was dead-on...Neil was at the Super Bowl.

Now, to understand how real, but far out this seemed you must first have some facts:

#1 While Neil is a Raiders fan and has been since football was a concept he recognized, his brother Michael - who is closest in age to Neil, has been a Buccaneers' fan since living in Tampa some years ago. How could THE big game arrive and they not be there?

#2 Neil doesn't spend money easily. So, to fathom him paying for a plane trip and a hotel (I don't know if the two of them, plus Kristina would fit in Mike's apartment as Kristina has said it's fairly small) and possibly Super Bowl tickets is almost laughable. (If he DID stay at Mike's and acquired the tickets for cheap,free-as he has friends in the NFL, or as a gift, the situation is MUCH more plausible)

#3 It's baseball season. It used to be tough to get Neil to come home early for a special dinner date or an occasion, let alone to take a weekend off during season (even if it is pre-pre-season). I'm sure alot about him has changed in 2 years and it seems he's learned that work just isn't as important as other things, but still...in season? (which to me seems like the ending to the movie Summer Catch...who would do that?!?!?! But I digress again.)

So, Super Bowl sunday Jill was coming over and mom and I were out doing some running around. I pulled out my phone to call Jill and see if she was home yet, when my voice mail beeped. The message, you guessed it, was from Neil - 9am-West Coast time. The feeling that accompanied the message was an odd mix of pride at being right, comfort in knowing that I still can sense him (I know I say that like he's dead...and in some ways I guess I treat the whole thing like he DID die, but more on that later.), happiness that he called, and sorrow at the reality of the whole situation.

Some people call the above mentioned experience "intuition". It is a phrase...and feeling...I am all too familiar with. The athletes I have pulled from games or sent to Drs. or hospitals on a "gut feeling" or "just because" or "in case", the number of times Jill, Trish and I have talked to one while the other beeps in, or when Jill was first buying my Christmas present, then showing it to her rommate, that I called and "interrupted" her. No, we are not an add for Time-Life books, nor were we (as Matt, Jill's friend told us last night, since none of us saw it) in the Minority Report. Intuition has always guided me, and oddly enough, is most strongly felt to those I love. But Psychic?

A website on the study of Psychic Phenomenon desfines psychic ability this way :

Psychic ability has been called metaphysics, ESP (extrasensory perception), prophecy, the sixth sense and psi (a Greek letter which equates to the mind and the unknown) ability. Parapsychology is a recognized field of science. Parapsychologists are scientists that study the paranormal, which includes psychic ability. There are very few valid, accredited parapsychologists in the world today. Their research concludes that people with psychic ability do exist, however, to date no concrete scientific measurement of this ability is available. In the past the scientific community has focused on the physical level of psychic ability. Today the shift of science is going beyond the physical level to encompass Einstein's"Unified Field", which is the search for the essence of consciousness.

Where does psychic ability comes from? No one knows the ultimate power of the human mind today. Being psychic from the age of eight, my experience suggests the following theory. Evidence suggests that we only use about 10% of our brain. The brain is divided into two parts. The left logical side, which produces rational thought, and the right, creative side where imagination and intuition reside. Most of our time is spent in the left logical mode. I believe that when we balance the left and right sides of the brain, it opens up a pathway to the 90% part of the brain that we don't use. It is in this part of the brain where psychic ability and the ability to self-heal exists. This is just my theory. However, recent scientific studies are now coming to light which support acceptance of this theory. In my experience, psychic ability is different from intuitive ability. Intuition is a state of consciousness in which everyone has the ability to tap into. It is also the start of psychic ability development. Men perceive it as hunches and everyone has probably heard of woman's intuition. Prolonged use, trust, and discernment of intuition leads to psychic ability. It is usually takes a long, arduous process of development and growth, on a total mind-body-spirit level, to understand and use it correctly and wisely.

The webiste goes on to explain scientific test which were done to try and support the many theories that exist with this phenomenon. In jumping around on www.psiexplorer.com/phenom.htm, I came across the following definition which sort of described the Neil scenario. Clairsentience - Sometimes called "psychic feeling". There are two forms of clairsentience: empathy and psychic knowing. Clairsentience is the ability to "know" about someone or something without the use of the five senses for input. Clairsentience is probably the most common type of intuitive ability. (Often we refer to it as a Hunch, a Gut Reaction, or Instinct.)

I don't know if I believe in alot of the things listed on the webiste. Couldn't it just be coinscidence? Is there really an energy that flows between loved ones? And if you believe in parts of "psychic" experiences, must you believe in all of them? The brain percentage things seems to make some sense. And (I can't believe I'm gonna admit this, as it goes back to me treating Neil as if he died, not left me and got married), but I guess I must believe in some part of it b/c every night, when I "feel" strongly about him, I send him a hug and sweet dreams before I drift off to bed. Almost like it's wrapped in a little bubble to burst right over his head hitting him with a jolt of sensation you equate with love and warmth, etc. John Edwards (and if any of you have seen the South Park about him, I laugh so hard! :)) explains this sensation as a "message" from our loved ones who have passed that they are with us. But, who's to say it's not any message from any loved one? Or, maybe it's just a malfunctioning nerve creating a surge of warmth used by "believers" to explain or justify their belief?

My scientific brain and celestial (for lack of a better term) are often conflicted. And maybe there is some truth to both sides. Can God and science co-exist? Is psychic ability really God or could there be another explaination? Does psychic ability really exist or is it just a way to explain coinscidence that otherwise isn't explainable?

I haven't heard from Neil since (even though he said he'd write when he got back to N.C.) the Super Bowl to know if he had a good time. I'm sure he's still ranting about the Raiders losing. Guess I shouldn't tell him...I was send Scrunchie-face all my energy! :) ;)