My mom told me today I should donate my brain to science....

...so they could figure out how I think. I was a bit offended. I mean, yes, I had just told her we saw a cat today that was stripped (the stripes were black) and "that greenish-grey kind. Know what I mean?", but just because you DON'T know what I mean doesn't mean saying a cat is green is ODD! :) (It it's not grey and not brown, it's sort of closer to an olive green.)

This was shortly after I realized I have Alzheimer's disease. Actually, I think more of what it is, is that my brain has completely turned into a sieve. Words go in my ears, I compute that they are indeed words, even in the moment understand what those words are trying to convey, but just as quickly, the thought has left my head. I used to think it was just because the things I couldn't remember (like Math) were things I deemed unimportant. Now, I think my brain has decided even if they ARE important, if they aren't interesting to me at that moment, they need not be remembered either. This is probably important since most things related to my job seem to fall into this category.

The worst symptom of my Sieve-ah-less is that I can no longer form sentances, find correct words, speak like an intelligent adult and/or...and this is the worst one...remember what I'm saying as I'm saying it - therefore leaving me to often stop mid sentance and try to remember what I had just said, or was saying, to no avail. Can you see how this might pose a problem? Especially if I'd like to stay a working member of society. (I can't believe I'm going to admit this, so please, none of you yell at me for it...) I noticed it just today driving. I was driving along, top down, singing out loud - but not as loud as my radio was playing...being as the top was down and I had to compete with wind, cars noise, trucks, etc. - and all of a sudden, I panicked because I didn't know where I was. Turns out the stretch of 295 was not past my exit and that was why it didn't look familiar, so I was still o.k. because my exit was up ahead at which point I flipped to the next song on my CD (which, BTW KAre, I have to totally re-do, b/c it doesn't go together) and kept driving.

So, what I can't figure out - most likely because the thought appears, then the brain blanks out, so I just keep repeating the question, but only seeing a black "screen" in my brain - is whether this is a function of Jenn or a symptom of the job I am currently holding. Maybe I'm not challenging my little cells enough; perhaps I'm just "dumbing down" to fit in with my work surroundings or maybe, just maybe the "Sieve-ah-less" is ruining my brain.

Oh, yes, another thing... I'd just like to inquire as to when I became high maintainance in my eating. I know (we all know - probably more than we'd like to) that I have some "GI issues". I thought it was due to food. One of my doctors agreed. The other thought it was due to stress (with this job, you've got to be kidding, unless dealing with idiots and disorganization counts). I, however, had NO problems in Mexico on a pretty strict Mexican vacation diet (Mexican food and alcoholic drinks on the occasion). Oh, yes, but this is not EXACTLY what I meant. Tonight, mom and I went to dinner and I ordered a burger, with cheese - chili on the side to go on my burger if they could do that (because it used to be on the menu...the Terlingua Pride...and was my favorite item, then they offered it as an "extra" for so many cents, then they stopped serving chili all together, so it wasn't an option...then I noticed chili on their Low Carb menu and was feeling nostalgic...ANYWAY, ) oh yes, and chips instead of fries. I felt so bad about the 20 minutes it took to order a stupid cheeseburger I didn't even bother to say no tomatoes. Just picked them off. what happened to the Jenn who could order anything off the menu. I came to a conclusion then and there (which seem to be the only conclusions I have lately....then and there ones) that one of three things had happened #1 - I don't eat at restauraunts that serve what I like #2- Restauraunts just don't create menus like they used to, hence me having to re-arrange everything to get it right or #3 I have become older and, to quote Sally, "I just want it how I want it" - thus making me a high-maintainance customer. I hate being high maintainance!

Well, time for some sleep. Didn't feel as completely exhausted in Mexico as I have been here. Could be because after my Mexican diet and soaking up rays I was out every night by 10:30 CS/DT and up at 9:00 CS/DT (Which were we in before spring?)....so plenty of rest on vacation. Mike said I should move to Mexico. Could be a good idea, but I don't think I'd like being Mexican, so maybe I'll just try for Florida again. I'll go in a blink if I can find a job. As for now, me, my Sieve brain and my high-maintainance tendancies are off for 5 or 6 hours sleep (where's the 8 or 9 I need to function?!?!?!?!) before heading back to the abysmal grind. Hey! Look at that! Not only one thought, but a whole stream of consciousness just emptied right out of my head! Thank goodness....now, if only it created room for the important things like.....like.....oh well. It was worth a shot. Maybe I'll think of something important tomorrow I can try and keep! Night all!