Alright, here goes...

June 11, 1997 my mom and I began the drive to North Carolina. It was 2 weeks after my graduation form Salisbury and I was to start an Athletic Training Assistantship the following week, working summer camps. The Head Trainer at the time, Jaime Perez(pronounced Hi-Me) had set me up with the Assistant Softball coach, who needed a roommate. I was taking alot of ribbing from people before I graduated for living with a softball coach, as...well, we all know the stereotype. :) Mom and I got to my "new house" at about 1:45am. We unloaded enough of the stuff we had in my car to get through until the morning and headed with Maverick (I believe) inside. After getting ready for bed, we curled up on the floor of what was to be my room and tried to sleep. About 5 minutes after hitting the floor, the phone rang. The answering machine picked up and a male voice came on..."Hey! Where the *#($ are you? It's after two, you should be home from work. Well, I guess you're out with some man! Just wanted to call. I'll talk to ya later." i8t was obviously being placed from a bar and obviously not "just a friend". I smiled. My new roommate was not a stereotypical softball player.

I got to meet Tara the next morning. She looked just the same as the pictures in the house and was more than willing to give us directions to where we wanted to go. She had to work all day, then, she said she was throwing a party at her "friend's" house for his birthday. Her friend Courtney picked me up later that evening and off we went. After meeting everyone there, up the sidealk came Tara and a guy about her height with a Tommy Lasorda belly. I remember thinking he was not at all what I expected and Tara seemed prettier than he was. It turns out he had just retruned from Philadelphia, so we talked a little about that, and when they all were headed out to the bars, I opted for home with mom. And so went my first encounter with William Neil Avent.

Over the next 7 months, I spent alot of time on that deck. On the nights Tara worked, she'd send me over to Neil's so he wouldn't be by himself for dinner and neither would I. after dinner, we'd meet Tara and their group of friends at the bar/laundramat where she worked. Most of the group were coaches of spring sports, so the plan changed a little in the spring for them and after working Men's Soccer and Women's Basketball and having an emotionally draining first year, I welcomed the springtime break; and the nights grilling and drinking on Neil's porch.

Come summer, I worked alot of camps. One particular one was a two week camp in Virginia to fill in for Jaime, who had just accepted a job in Louisiana and was leaving before it began, followed by a week at home. Upon my return (one week prior to pre-season soccer beginning), Tara told me she had applied, interviewed for and accepted the Head coaching job at Austin Peay in Tennessee. She left just after my 22nd birthday. So, we had hired a new assistant because once I came in, the new one was fired, and that assistant was now the head trainer. She and I decided to move in together. She didn't want to live in my house (b/c it didn't have A.C.), didn't want to live in her place (as it was a 20 minute drive into work every day), but decided she wanted to live in Neil's complex, as the townhouses were nice, spaceous, cheap, a 5 minute walk to work, and all UNCG staff or faculty. So, we moved in the first week of October. Neil and I had been spending all our time together, along with some of our friends. Tara's leaving thinned out the group a little and people started going their own way. But, not us. We found we had a lot in common and very similar tastes.

In November, Neil's secretary broke up with her boyfriend that she'd been living with for 6 years, and she began spending alot of time with us, but especially him. The tricky thing was, during most of her pushing for a relationship, he was pursuing me. I was having difficulty with the dating an ex-roommate's boyfriend, so I kept deflecting the advances and it didn't affect our relationship. I stood by him through the fighting as he and Tara battled to figure out if they should stay together or not (he wanted to, she didn't - but she didn't want to let him go either), through Christy's pushing for a relationship and his confusion for each, as well as pursuing of other women. He gave advice and listened as I talked about my crush on one of his baseball players, my adjusting to the new trainng room situation, the every chaging rumors about me (most of which were absurd and funny), my "forceful cuddling" incident, and various friend issues (like Bridget and Chris - my then roommate). Once he'd "dealt" with Christy and Tara, we found we were spending almost all our free time together and with not many others.

This time together culminated with a trip to Fort Myers Beach. Neil had to go for a December clinic/camp he was working and I was having bad winter blahs. He suggested I buy a ticket and go with him. So, I did.
(In the time prior, two of his rommates had moved out and after some long discussion, Christy moved in. He assured me it was nothing and had even talked to her about my place in his life. she talked a good game, but everytime I stayed over, she'd storm out fo the house and go somewhere else, no matter what time it was. She made every excuse in the book not to be around "us" and when confronted told Neil it was because she wanted to be with him, to which he replied he wasn't interested.)

Fort Myers Beach was just what I needed. When we returned, we celebrated Christmas before both heading off our families. He called me Christmas day and I thought things were going well. I couldn't have been happier. I had talked to him about actually "dating" (making it formal, I guess), but hadn't gotten a response. his actions though definately showed an interest. However, upon returning to Greensboro, things had changed. he and Christy had gone out an bought furniture together. He wanted her to be happy there and was making every concession to "make his life less of a hassle". unfortunately this meant spending less time with me, which he didn't without so much as blinking. From then on, it was a losing struggle onmy part until she finally won him over to him dating her last December.

I know many of you have heard this story over and over again from me. I guess I try and analyze it to see what happened, what went wrong, what I need to learn in order to move on...but I always come up blank. While, as you can probably tell, he was a horrible semblance of a boyfriend (didn't really have a good grasp on the romance part of relationships - although my little girl and guy bag I got my Christmas presents in, and the pearl drop earrings were a good start...2 weeks before he ran away! :) ), he was for almost four years one of my best friends. It's so hard to lose, not only someone you love as a soulmate, but some one you loved for so long as a friend. It's also tough to know that while it tears you to pieces every day that goes by that you two aren't close or speaking, he goes on with life as if nothing has changed, and actually has gotten better. There is no hole in him to be filled.

I am surprised I got through the day yesterday without crying, or breaking down and calling, or sending a card via email, but I didn't. I guess somewhere I hope he wanted me to remember and hoped he ached, just a little when I didn't. But, last night, when I lay down to sleep, I was overcome with terrible muscle cramps and stomach ache, with no just cause. (Oh, and the Neil and chirsty nightmares...can't forget those.) It happened again today as I thought of him. I guess it's a guilt reaction. (I tend to physically display emotional stress, more than personality displays of stress.) But i guess it doesn't matter how I got through it, just that I did. And maybe it's true when they say each day and special event gets easier and eventually I will forget. Eventually.

I might Blog tomorrow and I might not. I am off to Dallas for the NATA convention until Tuesday night. I'll try to write more Wednesday.