I've been forgetting things lately. Nothing terribly important, luckily for me, but little things, frustrating things...like words. I have found myself alot in the last two days unable to speak the word I meant to fit into a sentance. My mind searches, the grinding noise remnant of a dial-up computer looking for a signal, chugging through my memory bank searching for the word/words that used to roll so easily off my tongue. The most frustrating is knowing that I know the words I am looking for, that it's in their somewhere and seeming like an uneducated idiot as I am at a loss for words like placebo, acceptance, appropriate, subordinate. I always prided myself on my ability to speak at an appropriate level, sounding intelligent when I spoke and often exuding a vocabulary above my years. Lately, I've heard "like", "ya know", "melty" (still a favorite made up word, and "crap" come out of my mouth more than the words I struggle to find. So, before I forget anything else, here's some other random thoughts about things (and I'm sure there's many more I've said "I shall blog on this" and then forgotten) I've wanted to mention this week. (I have filled it with big words off the top of my head in an effort to use them and not lose them! :) )
* What does it say about our state of affairs when the local Subway is no longer offering Frequent Buyer Stamps because of forgeries?!?!?!? The woman behind the counter said someone (I'm guessing a former employee) sold stamps on eBay.
* I revel daily in the irony that the last two weekends I have seen "after midnight" hours both Friday and Saturday, while my sister expounds upon the merits of staying home, getting rest, having downtime and relaxing before return to bed early.
* I've been losing myself in Music lately. Everything from Sesame Street ("Sing") to Kanye West ("Golddigger") to Shirley Ellis ("The Name Game") to Fall Out Boy ("Sugar We're Goin' Down")
* Thusly, I have decided if anybody checked out my iPod, they'd think I have issues. (yes, yes, I know YOU ALL know I do, but not just because of my music taste! :) Well, except Karen. ;) ;) )
* Does anybody really say "Thusly" anymore except pretensious people? ;)
* I was totally having a socialite day yesterday. The following sentances did come out of my mouth, very contrary to my personality: "I should take my car to the car wash today, but I need to vaccum it and clean the inside and I look too cute for manual labor" AND "Mom, shouldn't somebody just give me clothes and nice thigh-rise black boots because they look good on me?" (Yes, I know how Paris Hilton it sounds, but when it's tough too find good quality clothes that look nice on you and fit well and make you look good, price should stand in your way. So, instead of deciding I should pay more for them, the cheap person in me decided they should just give them to me! :) )
* All the females I work closely with are losing weight...I am not. I'm extrememly frustrated with the ever growing clothes size and what to do about it. If I had the energy I'd work out, but I don't. Even the 3 days a week I used to go to the gym have slacked off to no days a week outside of work. The energy level and the frustration of dieting and working out and GAINING weight (and don't tell me there's a muscle building/fat losing curve...I've been waiting to get past that for 3 years. It's not curving!) has weakened my resolve to get up early and go to the gym. I really need to try and go before work 5 days a week and Run. I just....well, it mentally exhausts me to think of the amount of work this is going to take. (And yes, no fun...all work)
* My Little Man has gotten more cuddly. I am once again in a double bed with less than single bed sleeping space. Not to mention the 3:30 licks and kneading saying "pet me". Mav never did that. He knew better.
* Went to Rob's boyfriend Thom's house for a party last night. His house is gorgeous. Makes me want to get my own, just to freely decorate and to entertain. Wish I could afford my own place. :(
* I'm still not liking my glasses. I hate all the options I have regarding losing sight. Getting old sucks.
* Every time I think, maybe my life at the moment may just be a phase where I need to learn something so I can move on to the next step and not repeat past mistakes, my mother tells me something that makes me realize I have not changed since I was 2 years-old. The latest revelation is that I can't drink anything grape. The latest conversation went like this: "Mom, blah, blah, blah is happening. I don't understand." "Did you have something grape?" "Um...yeah...grape soda (I really like Grape soda. Get a craving for it every once in awhile). Why?" "When you were little, same thing used to happen with Grape Kool-Aid. I even wrote to the Kool-Aid company." We have similar conversation alot. I say "blah, blah, blah" she says, "yep. since you were little.". So much for evolving as we age! :)
* The other night I was out with our coaches and their wives/girlfriends and I felt like a giant, masculine brut. It probably didn't help that one wife was 5'2 and 100 pounds and dressed up to be in a bar, and the other girlfriend is 5'7 and 110 pound and dressed jock/feminine (jeans, long sleeve tee, hat, hair down around hat and make up) and I was in windpants and a ratty old turtleneck with my hair up, my glasses and having been running around for 3 hours with football.
* As I was leaving I was hit with a wave of sadness about my "lack of boy". I decided I was tired, needed to go to bed ASAP. (I try to be patient and not give it a whole lot of mind anymore. In an Entourage kind of way, I "sleep it out". :) )
* I tried to balance the "night of yang" with a "night of yin" last night in a denim skirt, long sleeve tee and cute hair (I forgot the makeup because I was lounging and playing with my iTunes), black boots and jewelery. It might have worked.
* Today I want to lounge around in pajamas and watch football. The sister is dragging me to meet Trish for "brunch" at 1:30pm. Upper East Side Jill has got to go away! Brunch, Cosmos...I'm not living Sex And The City I'm getting drug into Sex And The City Invades the Suburbs!
* Even though I know it's inevitable, the thought of losing my family makes me sad. as my grandparents age, I try not to think of the day when they won't be around. They look more and more frail each time we see them. I'm conflicted between spending as much time with them as I can and wanting free down time for myself. Mom said they're forgetting more and more. While I think they're both still amazing, especially for 88, there is no pretense from anyone that time is short and is very precious.
* I tried a few weeks ago to go to church. I am in search of a religion which meshes with my belief system. One in which I feel comfortable and comforted. That lives up to my idea of what a church should be to a person. I tried one church. I haven't been back to that one or any more. I'm just tired. Why isn't church at night? (Well, there's always Saturday night Mass. Maybe I'll try that next week!) I also feel I need to go to the library and get books on various religions so I know something about them. While I'm pretty sure I know what I am, I'm really sure I don't know enough about all the others to know for sure what I am. So, the Search for the Holy Grail begins! :) Let's hope there's no Black Knights in my path! :)
Well, it's time for lunch. Which is good because the gay guys we were with last night make a mean, high-priced vodka martini! Plus, how often do you go out where you can embrace your inner flamboyant nature and not be 1) obnoxious and 2) the most flamboyant person there! :) I need to get dressed and a hat is probably in order. Oh and Carlos (friend of Rob and Thom's) inspired to me try and learn Spanish again. I just hate the boring learning part and just want to be able to be fluent right away. Adios Mio! :) I guess it's just going to take time. Adios, Mi amistades!
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