Could someone please tell me when I got old?

( Now, before EVERYONE emails me telling me I'm not old yet...read on and let me define.)

It hit me Sunday as I drove to Trish's house for a little mall excursion. (Not reall fun when you have no money or promise of any future income, but it never hurts to look! :) ) First, I was being tailgated by some punk kid on a motorbike who didn't think the 40 MPH posted speed limit through a neighborhood was fast enough. Then, as I sat at the stop sign to turn away from the snot-nosed motorbike heathen, my car began shaking. Not, contrary to belief, from an earthquake, but from the "kid" in the car behind me who figured I wanted to hear and feel his bass as much as he did.

As I finished my drive, I began to try and pinpoint EXACTLY when I became old. It was two weeks before I moved home, while I was in the shower. I was going through my usual shower routine, when I got to my backside. It was gone! As I shifted a half inch down toward my feet in search on my missing arse, I was frantic. Disappearing body parts happens in songs, NOT real life! Not there, but I thought I felt something familiar. I shifted another half an inch toward my feet. Whew! Found it! But then...I became upset. What had happened overnight that had "moved" my arse? I SWEAR it was RIGHT where I left it when I was 20; then overnight, POOF! AN INCH lower! AND on top of all that...It had grown larger.

In a panic, I began checking the rest of me. Luckily for me, everything else was right where I had left it; but not always in the same shape! My legs had lost most of the muscle tone I was so proud of when I was running around everyday on the Salisbury/UNCG athletic fields and arenas. My arms had grown little "non-fingered hands" around the armpit area which wave nicely to people when I expose them. The cottage cheese I had leftover in the fridge from lasagna night had jumped, I can only guess as a way of avoiding the garbage disposal, right on to my upper thighs. (This also explains the added growth to my arse! It was a large tub of lefetovers! :) ) I quickly finished my shower routine and got out of there.

The rest of the day, the changes were subtle. I became increasingly annoyed at the parents who though it was "cute" for their kids to run, scream, and play wherever they liked in eateries, malls, and small spaces. The young kids sitting behind me at a hockey game cursing and talking about high school "conquests" were given "The Look" ( I mastered this from my mother! :) ). Going to Champs for a beer at 9pm became replaced by coffee at a coffee shop after work (or when everyone I knew got off work!). Financial worries and marital status boxes became more important topics of stress and conversation than prom dates and who would pay for gas this time.

I shared this with Trish as we headed towards the mall. She promptly agreed. We had become "old". The "old" we made fun of in high school. The "old" we had planned for in high school and college, when "old" seemed so far away. We had laughed at the women who complained about their weight...as we spent our night at Coneheads for ice cream to wash down our diets of WaWa hoagies and ice tea that could drown a battleship. I couldn't figure out why a car needed air conditioning when it had windows. When babysitting for ten or twenty bucks to put gas in your car and buy food at the shore made you rich. Or how it was so easy for adults to forget what it was like when they were "our age"

As we walked around the mall, I watched the teenagers shop and laugh and eat...well, just about everything in sight. I looked longingly at stores like 5-7-9 or sizes like 5 (who fits into those things?). I heard us saying things like..."How cute would this be in a size 6?" or "My left calf would fit into that." We'd start laughing, ignoring the stares from the "kids" who didn't understand how only one part of the body could fit into a skirt? We talked about work and men; about frustration and diets; and easedropped on the girls talking about proms and boys as we reminisced about all that had changed with us since then.

We made plans to meet for her step-brothers' baseball games and maybe coffee or dinner later in the week. As we walked to the car, we passed two girls about 6 feet weighing 70 pounds, laughing and carrying LOTS of bags. "Don't worry." I said to Trish "They'll be old soon." :) We smiled at the thought.