I feel like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. No, not because I hang out with a Tin Man, Scarecrow, a Lion, and a bunch of munchkins; and not because of the plaid dress, braids, and a dog in a basket. It's because of the tornado.

It all started in December of 2000. Neil was working a camp in Ft. Myers Beach and I went along for a much needed vacation. After lounging by the pool all day writing Christams cards (how weird is that!), I would retire to our room where I would watch the Weather Channel (and all the poor saps in snow! This was about 2/3 of the country!), fix myself a drink, watch the sunset over the ocean from our balcony, then take a shower and wait for Neil to get home so we could have dinner. Same thing, 5 days. About 2 days into the trip, I turned on the Weather Channel and it was Storm Week! YEA! I was watching all the monster tornados (sorry if there was supposed to be an "e". Ever since Quayle, I'm leary). So, I wasn't really all that surprised when, after drifting off to Dreamland, Brian (Neil's friend from college) got sucked out through an office window in the midst of a "normal size" tornado. Even the tornados, where I was constantly searching for Neil after we'd been separated and the storms only stopped when I'd found him, the rest of the week didn't phase me. After all, I'd now added Storm Week to my daily schedule.

One day after returning back to Greensboro (and 20 degree weather), I left to go home for Christmas. Upon my return to Greensboro, Neil had changed and our relationship slid for a year or so into what it is now...nothing. I don't know exactly what did it, or why things changed (although as any good woman, I have my theories), but I'll never forget the tornado "premonition" dreams.

I wouldn't refer to them that way except for the fact that even after Storm Week, they wouldn't stop. During the whole downward spiraling of what we had become, the tornados were there. I'd start emailing people..."and you were there, and you were there...". When Neil planned his annual Disney vacation with Christy instead of me, the Tornados became "sisters". (For those of you who haven't ever watched Storm Week, it's a series of 3 smaller tornados wreaking havoc in the same area) The Sisters were kind of neat. Sometimes they came all at once, sometimes one right after the other. Sometime after that, the tornados began chasing me. 5 sometimes 6 tornados at a time, one after another. Eventually, I got tired of this one, because even in my dtream I'd tell people who would point out the tornado coming, "Yeah, they chase me." :) (And actually, that one was my favorite, b/c it had my favorite Freshman pitcher, Ryan Gordon, in it. Oh, granted he's now a Junior - he redshirted, but he'll always be a freshman to me! :) )

The other night threw me for a loop. It was straight out of The Wizard of Oz. O.k., maybe more like Wizard of Oz meets It's a Wonderful Life. (If you've never seen either of these movies, let me know so I can smack you and ask you where you've been all your life!) The tornado snuck up on me! Came fast and out of a beautiful sunny day. In typical Florida weather fashion, it went from Sunny and 75 to stormy and...well, tornado-y in .5 seconds. I tried to run, but it got me. Not only me; but me, the kids who were visiting the farm, a father of an Asian girl, and the Asian girl I was holding onto dearly to keep her from being swept out of the barn. (Well, actually, she was holding onto one end of the stuffed Smurf I've had since I was 5 and I was on the other and IT was keeping her in!) (Hey, it's a dream. Is it SUPPOSED to make sense?) So, the stupid surprise tornado picked up the whole barn. Dropped the barn down in my life. And we had to "Choose Your Own Adventure" to pick the right way to get out of MY life, and back to the farm we'd left. (BTW, the kids disappeared before the tornado absconded with the barn. ) I don't know how we got out, or if we got out. My memory only goes so far. :)

I have alot of really vivid dreams like these lately. Ones, like Dorothy, where you wake up and swear it happened. Or you're so exhausted you KNOW you lost 20 lbs. just dreaming. But, at least they're dreams! (If they weren't, I'm sure I'd be in jail or a looney bin by now!) I've been doing some dream research, and have discovered dreams may actually bring to the surface your subconscious thoughts and feelings. (Subconsious? I don't think so. I KNOW my life's in total upheavel. No tornado needs to bring that to light.) I don't know how much I buy into that. I could look at my tornado dreams and conclude that my life's in total upheavel, but it's calm and the storms subside whenever Neil's around. I could say the Asian girl is really me and I'm fighting to keep my "inner child" from being pulled out the window and into certain death. Or maybe I need to Remember The Smurfs! (buy Smurf stock today!) I could figure my subconscious is telling me to buy a farm. It's all about what you READ into what your dreams are telling you b/c it's what you WANT to believe. I don't know that my subconscious is really all that much smarter than I am. Although, my subconscious WAS alot more present in my college courses than I was! (And if it really IS trying to tell me something...that Kid Rock dream makes me wonder. ;) )

All I know is what I feel and what I believe to be true. And maybe I need to hold on to that, even when everything is is telling me to abandon it. To believe, even if there's not much evidence that it truly exists anywhere but the movies. Maybe there really is "No Place Like Home".