Two years ago in July, Neil, Brian and I went to Florida on vacation. As we were returning home from a failed night of jai alai and dog racing, a car went speeding past us on the left. "Wow!" said Neil, "he's going somewhere." After a minute of silence I began hysterically laughing. A guy, in a car, on the highway, speeding...yep I'm sure he was going somewhere. ;) Lately, I've begun to wonder...where was he going?

I like going. I love to do it (well, used to most days). I'd go anywhere, but as soon as we got there, and I'd seen what was there; I want to go somewhere else. I really don't care where we go next, just as long as we go soon. In the aftermath of September 11th, everyone is writing about how we need to Live For Today! Yes! I'd say. Live For Today! Now you get it! (Billy Idol gets it.) Everything seems better in today. No worry, no stress. But eventually tomorrow comes.

I've been stuck in Tomorrow for a few months now. I think the portal is somewhere along the Mason-Dixon line...but I can't be sure. See...I've always lived in Today. The sun shines, the birds chirp, the grass is green and sweet. There is no worry about bills Today; no figuring out what to "do" - you just do what you've always done Today; Sure, things Today change from Yesterday, but that's the fun of it. Then it happened....sometime after leaving my "job" at UNCG, having my heart "disappear", and leaving the independant life I wanted for the VERY dependant one in someone else's home I was thrust into Tomorrow.

I gotta tell you all...Tomorrow sucks! Do you know there are bills here? (Of course you do! You all live here!) Everyone wants to know, "What are you doing Tomorrow?". (They call in "growing up" here, but I don't like that.) In all the chaos and rambled thoughts in my head, the only one which produces dead, eerie quiet in my thoughts is...What do you want to do?

The answer - I don't know - is only partly true. There are so many things I'd LIKE to do, but they don't exist in Tomorrow. Not logically. Someone I know is contemplating Law School. That's 4 MORE years of school. Not to mention more debt. And then, what if after all that time wasted in Tomorrow, you don't like it? The worst part is after 4 years of school and all that debt, you don't get to hear the GOOD jokes anymore. ;) See? this is what Tomorrow does to you. Smacks the logic into all the good living you were trying to do in Today.

And where do you draw the line between living in and for Tomorrow and living in and for Today? If everyday you lived "in" Today, for things like the importance of the work you did in your office and the kisses and smiles at the end of the day from your loved one; Then one day, they were gone - you instantly become thrust from Today into Tomorrow. Suddenly, Today doesn't seem all that important anymore. It's Tomorrow that becomes more and more vital. Time is of the essence - they (whoever "they" are) always say. so if time is so essent, why does not wasting seem like you are doing just that?

So I'm here. Stuck in Tomorrow with no idea as to how to get out. How does a Today girl, live in Tomorrow? I guess, I'll have to figure it out...Tomorrow.