Hi All! Happy Saturday!

I discovered last night I have a rash...on my head. Just something you can add to the weird things that usually plague my body! :) I discovered this last night. Earlier this month, I had a little bump on the right side of my neck just next to the hairline in the back. So, I began to pick at it...because that's what you do with these things. :) Well, lately it began itching. So, as we were watching the last Flyers game of the season last night, I mentioned it to my mom, who...like a good mom got up and looked at it and said, "It's a rash.". Yuck! Now, my whole head itches. She's claiming it's psycho-somatic, but it DID itch before she told me about it. So, where exactly did this rash come from and how do I get rid of it?

Psycho-somatic is a strange phenomenon to me. Dictionary.com states it is "Of or relating to a disorder having physical symptoms but originating from mental or emotional causes." It's amazing to me that the mind is SO powerful it can cause the body to react physically to whatever it is thinking or imagining. It's like Pavlov. I know Pavlov dealt more with conditioning of teaching the mind association which causes physical reaction, but is it really any different? It's funny because as I have gotten older, I've become more Pavlovian in my ways. It mostly occurs with eateries and food places. When I walk into Chili's, I immediately want Southwest eggrolls and a reaspberry iced tea. Even if I try to look at the menu, it doesn't help...my mouth is already salivating. In other ways, with music or places, I often have a sensation or feeling similar to the one I was having the last time I was there or heard the song. So, how closely connected are our emotions with our mind or memory?

I know I have talked before about "signs". Are they really signs, or could they be memory triggers or merely coincidence? Is seeing a bluish-green Altima and hearing 3 songs I equate with a certain someone really a sign? Am I overtly sensitive to these things because I am emotionally in the mindset to see them? Or are they the D.J.'s favorite songs and the Altima is one of the top selling cars in America, specfically in that color? I tend to lean towards #2, with the ever nagging questioning of myself into #3. (So, I vascilate. ;) ) I used to believe in signs, but lately I have become quite cynical of them. If they really are signs, short of a "frying pan to the head" to clarify the meaning, who are we to interpret what it's supposed to mean. And what if Jill's right? What if there are signs we DON'T see that we are supposed to because we're too busy "finding" signs in things we're not supposed to?

And what good are signs if they don't lead us anywhere or just get us lost? Signs have a way of doing that. Not being around when you need them. Stuck in the wrong place so you miss your turn or turn onto a road you didn't need to be on. Or, maybe all the signs were there, but the "directions" you got on how to get there are bad. No matter how hard you look for signs, if you're not on the right road, the signs won't be there.

But what about emotion? That "gut instinct" that tells you this isn't the right way? Even if the directions are leading you, do you listen to your gut in following waht you know is or isn't right, or do you listen to those telling you that what you are doing is "the best way"? On my first day of temping, I got the directions from my temp agency and set off. Having been away for a number of years, I wanted to follow the directions, rather than rely on my memory and wind up lost and late, b/c I tried to do it alone. So, I started out. There is a point in N.J on 295 that splits into 2 lanes....one for 295 and one for 42. Now, I was almost positive that in order to get to 55 I needed to take 42, but the directions said 295 to 55, so that's the way I went. I called at one point, feeling as though I was too far "off the beaten path", but they assured me that although it felt that way I needed to just follow the directions. So I drove on. When I got to the sign that said "Last Exit before Del Mem Bridge" I knew I was almost in Delaware and that I had gone too far. I called them again and told them where I was, "Oh Jenn. We're so sorry. You were supposed to take 42." Was it on the directions? No. So, how was I - who had never been here before - to know? "We just know to go that way. We didn't think we needed to write it down." Now, it was nice that she called back later to apologize again. And it was good she felt bad for leading me astray, but how was she to know how I felt when she "directed" me? Did she know I hated the idea of temping? Did she know it was all I could do not to call in and quit before I even got there? Did she know how frustrated I was because I was lost and ignored my gut to follow her "directions"?

I felt the same way about moving home. "It'll be good for you." "You need this." "You're going to be o.k." "Things will be so much better there." My gut kept telling me, "You're nuts. Jenn, you know better. This WILL NOT be good for you. Neil was right, you know, you would be miserable moving back home. It's not right for you. You're making a wrong turn." But, in the end, the directions won out. I didn't know where I was going. I had no other choice but to follow the directions. So, here I am. My gut has stopped speaking. I think it's tired of being ignored. I don't have any directions from here and I'm looking for the signs to get me where I'm supposed to be. Unfort., I don't think I'm on the right road to see the signs I need, so I may just drive forever down this road; looking for signs that aren't there, hoping by some miracle I end up on a road that will take me to a place I can see the signs...before I'm too late for wherever I'm supposed to be.

So, mind over body? Body over mind? Which controls which? I like to think of it a bit like politics. Which one has the veto power? Do emotions control our minds? Or do our minds control our emotions? Can our emotions convince our minds to create a rash so the person knows there is something wrong? Or do we get a rash and it itches for some reason not related to anything emotional? I can tell you all I know...I have a rash on my head and it itches. I don't care what caused it, but I want the cause and the itching to go away, and not to come back. Maybe the rash is an emotional interpretation after all.